LOL this post is dead-on! I love your report card at the end and I won't dispute any of the grades that ya gave =)
(and son, yes you-- the overweight wanna' be motorcycle whatever)--FOCUS!!!
Hopefully his dad read his motorcycle forum post and sent him to a Dale Carnegie class or something. He needs to do more than just lose some body fat before the PGA Show. He needs a social skills/sales skills makeover.