Replies to post #1396 on CHURAK'S PALACE (CHUCHU)

[Churak]

A marine biologist at the University or New Brunswick was working on
a system that would allow humans to talk to fish, and fish to talk with
humans. One day, after many years of working in the lab, the system is
ready for field testing. The scientist takes his gear down to a local
salmon stream and sets it up. Lo and behold, the system worked! Our
hero began talking with the salmon in the stream and the salmon began
talking with the scientist. The scientist noticed one particular salmon
that looked a little different from the rest. This salmon was a deeper
reddish brown than the others, so he nick-named him Rusty.
The scientist then struck up quite a friendship with Rusty. Rusty
told the scientist what it was like to be a fish, and the scientist
told Rusty what it was like to be a human being.
One day, after two seasons by the stream, Rusty said, "It's time for
me to leave for the ocean."
The marine biologist responded, "NO Rusty! You can't! Do you know how
dangerous the trip will be? Do you know that the return rate for your
species is about 2%? Do you know that there are many dangers you will
have to face on the journey -- Fishermen, sharks and pollution to
name a few."
"Look" said Rusty, "A salmon's gotta do what a salmon's gotta do."
So off he went. Two years later, the scientist is still working by
the same stream, when he hears a familiar voice from the past. Rusty
had returned! The two of them quickly became reaquainted.
"You know, you were right about all the dangers" said Rusty.
"I lost track of the number of times that I was almost caught in some
fisherman's net. I lost track of the number of times that I was almost
eaten by sharks. But let me tell you," Rusty continued, "about the
amazing sights I witnessed."
"Tell me what you saw!" said the scientist excitedly.
"The ship wrecks were incredible!" The scientist explained to Rusty
about the large number of ships that were sunk in the North Atlantic.
"Well one ship I saw, the Titanic, was really fantastic! It was just
gorgeous! We swam all through it, up the grand staircases, down into
the dining salons! It was so moving that I decided to write some poetry
about it."
"It must be really beautiful stuff" said the scientist.
"I know it is. Maybe you could help me get it published?", said Rusty.
"Sure" said the scientist, "Do you have a title for your poems?"
"Yes -- Salmon Rusty's Titanic Verses!"

[Churak]

It is believed that the stock markets go up and down with the rise
and fall of the hemlines in ladies skirts and dresses.
Proof of this phenomenon is in the following historical facts:
Glamour stocks and mini skirts soared in 1993.
Conglomerates and hemlines went down in the spring of 1994.
Hot pants led the Dow Jones up in 1971.
The advice to the investor then, is, "Don't sell until you see the
heights of their thighs!"

[Churak]

Israeli police are looking for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting
in the port city of Haifa. The suspect is described as the son of a an
ex-nun from Barcelona and a German father. He was a former flutist and
worked occasionally as a farmer.
In short, he was "A Haifa-lootin', flutin' Teuton, son-of-a-nun from
Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe."

[Churak]

It had to happen, someday. The municipal philharmonic symphony and
chorus were rehearsing Symphony No. 9 by Ludwig Von Beethoven. Since
the chorus doesn't enter until the final movement, the singers were
becoming very bored - especially the men in the back row. Then the
basses had a clever idea. During break, they tied a nylon fishline
around the conductor's score, 4 pages prior to the beginning of the
last movement. They ran the line up through a roof vent, across the
street and down into Joe's tavern. This allowed them to relax at the
bar chugging brews, and when the line jerked, they could run across
the street and take their places in the chorus at the precise time.
Their plan worked flawlessly, especially when the conductor paused
before continuing, to have the trombones, who were playing somewhat
flat, tune their instruments. So all singers were in readiness as
the conductor raised his baton.
Well.....almost all... except for two men who had earlier passed
out at the bar.
And so this became the first case in musical history where it was
the bottom of the ninth, the basses were loaded, the score was tied,
there were two out, the leadoff man was up and the inside pitch
was low.

[Churak]

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at
about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor
to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness,
the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link
on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!
The sailor began to pick up the broom and commence performing his
charge. As he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The
sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the
tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The bird left, only
to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went
through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He
couldn't get any cleaning done because he can only sweep at the chain
once or twice before the blasted bird returns. When morning came, so
did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.
"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no
cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself,
sailor?" barked the chief.
"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and
couldn't sweep a link!"