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gapwedge2001

10/30/04 1:39 PM

#11189 RE: berg111 #11184

OT: Berg -- As I am not a premium subscriber, I will attempt to offer a few thoughts here. I hope this post survives the censor.

OT: Hey, Berg. I'm a fan of yours, as you know, and celebrate all your good fortune, especially the kids. I'll say this for what it's worth, and use it/ignore it however you will. Just another view.

My Dad was a whiskey salesman and started me on drinking and passing the beers at around the age of 6 months. It was an everyday experience, when he was in town, and by high school he helped me find ways for it to continue being so, even when he was on the road selling. I don't drink much any more -- occasionally with a meal, and I don't ask my kids to handle, pass, or drink the stuff when I do. I don't take them to bars either, as my Dad did with me. I spent a lot of years playing catch-up from that upbringing, and I believe it did me more harm than good. For example, my own daily drinking, I believe, contributed to my over-reacting to my kids' shortcomings in my earlier years as a parent. My daughter now, 15, is working through feelings of anxiety, guilt and fear in everyday situations, much of it the result of these over-reactions -- much as I've had to work through them as well, having been raised similarly. The alcohol can really put an edge on one's reactions with little kids, in my experience as both son and father anyway. We are all moving past it, though, but perhaps if I could have learned a few things before she was born, rather than at her expense, things would have gone smoother for her and her brother.

My Dad thought it was important to pull me into his daily habit of drinking -- to get me ready for the world, etc. -- but all it did in the end was start me on a road that had more complications and problems than joy. Parenting is a great gift and responsibility, and every chink in our own development as people and parents will affect our kids, and the research is clear that alcohol generally exaggerates those chinks.

The most important thing for kids, in my experience, is to love them unconditionally, to let them know we accept and support them always. If they get that, then they've got everything.

Just my thoughts -- offered with respect.

Best to you. gap