A man was driving through a storm in the mountains when he lost control of his car. The last thing he remembered was crashing through the guard rail. Then he woke up to discover himself sitting in Hell.
"This is terrible!", he moaned. "I can't believe it!"
"Hey, it's not so bad", said a reassuring voice. The man turned to discover the Devil sitting right beside him.
"Oh no!" the man exclaimed in horror. "I've got to get out of here!"
"Why? It's a great place", the Devil reassured him. "Hell is MUCH better than the other place. It's so boring up there. You're going to love it down here."
"Oh, sure. You'd say anything. You're the Devil."
"No, I mean it! Everybody has a great time down here. People just love it, because you can really be yourself. For example, let me ask you a question. Did you smoke?"
"Well, yes, I suppose I did on occasion….. I mean I tried to quit….." replied the man apologetically.
"Well then you're going to just LOVE Mondays!" exclaimed the Devil. "Every Monday that's all we do. Cigars, cigarettes, pipes, anything you want, all day long non-stop. It's great! And hey, you don't have to worry about it, right? I mean you're already dead, so what's the problem?"
"Yeah, ok, but this is still Hell, right? I mean it's got to be bad."
"I’m telling you, it's fabulous down here! Did you drink?"
"Maybe once in a while…. in moderation" the man replied sheepishly.
"Well then you're going to just LOVE Tuesdays! Every Tuesday that's all we do. Drink, drink, drink….. every kind of booze you can imagine…. one after another…. non-stop all day…. and you don't have to worry about getting drunk because this is Hell, so who cares."
"Well, I don't know" said the man.
"Oh, come on. You'll love it down here. Did you do drugs?"
"Well, I wasn't an addict, or anything like that. I might have tried grass once or twice."
"Well then you're going to just LOVE Wednesdays! On Wednesdays that all we do. We puff…. we snort…. we shoot…. we toot…. all day long…. even stuff you never heard of. And it's not like you have to worry about becoming an addict."
"You know," replied the man, "This doesn't sound so bad. Maybe everything I heard about Hell wasn't true after all."
"I told you! It's a fabulous place to be! Were you gay?"
"Uh, no, sorry, I wasn't."
"Oh" said the Devil, his expression suddenly falling. "Oh, dear. That's too bad. Well, I'm afraid you're going to just HATE Thursdays."
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