Replies to post #113530 on Rants and Raves

[teapeebubbles]

yep

[teapeebubbles]

Things that you could not live without knowing




Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coca-Cola was originally green.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work is Alaska
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The
percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven is $6,400
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour is 61,000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person
died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs
on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July
4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on
August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"And Jesus wept." (Jn 11:35) is shortest sentence in the Bible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes
them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go
until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and
laser printers all have in common?
A. They were all invented by women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".

[teapeebubbles]

CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL VOCABULARY PRIMER

Decide: "My favorite girls are Wanda and Yolanda, but I like to keep a couple on decide.

Data: "At my basketball game the other night, I score a triple double and my coach said data boy Darnell."

Copulate: "I called 911 and an hour later when they showed up, I said copulate."

Connoisseur: "I says to my friend Ramone, man you really stink today, what connoisseur did you crawl out of?"

Coatroom: "The judge said, one more outburst like that and I'll have the bailiff clear the coatroom."

Clothesline: "When I came home late again, I found my clothesline on the porch."

Catacomb: "I went to the Douglas/Hollyfield fight and sat next to Don King: man, someone oughta get that catacomb."

Button: "My girlfriend Juanita bought some leopard skin stretch pants. I said girl, you won't get you button 'em."

Beware: "I asked the man at the employment office, is this beware I find be a job?"

Battery: "The coach told my cousin Reggie he better start swinging the battery won't be in the line up tomorrow."

Bagdad: "I always wondered what was in the Bagdad use to drink out of when he was sitting on the front porch."

Assert: "On the way home from work, I always take assert so my old lady don't smell liquor on my breath."

A nus: "The policeman told me and my friend Jerome they be looking for the two guys that held up the liquor store and we said ­­­a nus."

Afford: "I wanted to buy a Cadillac, but then had to settle for afford.

Widen: "When my girlfriend, Larina, told me she was pregnant I said, widen you tell me you didn't use no birth control?"

Urinal: "After the police broke down my front door last night, they said, Darnell, urinal lot of trouble."

Undermine: "There's a fine looking bi tch living in the apartment right undermine.

Stain: "My sister and brother­in­law stopped by the other day, so I asked them, you plannin on stain?"

So domy: "When I go out at night, I like to have a b itch on one so domy and another bi tch on the other sodomy."

Semen: "I never did know who my papa was cause my mama semen left and right."

Seldom: "I had two extra tickets to the basketball game the other night, so I seldom to my friend."

Rectum: "I had two Cadillacs, but my girlfriend rectum both."

Polyp: "On my way home from the Piston's game the other night, I was involved in a five­car polyp on I­75."

Penis: "I saw my parole officer the other day and he handed me a little paper cup and said, here penis.

Orgasm: "I asked my cousin Dexter about the death penalty in his state. I asked if they electrocute em, hand, orgasm."

Oreo: "I told my friend, Alonzo, if he wanted my sister, he could pay me 50 bucks now oreo me 100 bucks on Friday."

Oral: "My friend Sebastian said, give me 25 cents oral blow your head off."

Odyssey: "When I got back from the Windsor Ballet, I told my friends, you odyssey the t its on that babe."

Menstruate: "With the fashions today you can't keep the women and menstruate."

Manual: "I told my buddy Tyrone, manual get yourself in trouble if you keep messing with that hoe."

Letter: "The ugly bitch downstairs came knocking on Darnell's door the other night and I wouldn't letter in."

July: "After the trial, my mama asked me, did you tell the truth or July?"

Income: "My girlfriend and I just got into bed, when income my wife."

Horde: "My mama always did have a bad reputation cause she horde around in her school."

Honor: "At our rape trial the judge asked my buddy Jarvis, who be honor?"

Homo: "The b itch I'm living with called me at the bar the other night. She said Darnell, honey, are you coming homo what?"

Fortify: "I asked this b itch down on 6 Mile­­How much? She said fortify dollars. honey."

Formaldehyde: "The police came to my door looking for my cousin Melvin. I told them there ain't no place
formaldehyde in the house, it be too small."

Foreclose: "If I don't pay my alimony this month, I'll have more money foreclose."

Fascinate: "My sister Wolanda bought a sweater with ten buttons on it, but her ti ts are so big, she can only fascinate."

Disappointment: "My parole officer told me, if I miss disappointment, he's going to send me back to the big house."

Dimension: "A lot of you ladies been calling in wondering what Darnell look like. Well, he's tall, dark, handsome, not dimension hung like a horse."

Derange: "Derange is where the deer and the antelope play."