I went ahead and bought an executive membership there so I can apply for a merchant account. That transaction finally went through when I aborted it, went back to my shopping cart, and tried again.
Now I'm running against a wall again when trying to apply for a merchant account. To do so online, I need my membership number, which I won't have until they mail me my card. And calling their phone number to set up a merchant account just resulted in my being placed in the hold queue for way too long.
I finally got hold of a human at WellsFargo today and they assured me that somebody would be calling me today about my application.
Of course, nobody did.
When I talked to Authorize.Net today, they told me they couldn't give me a merchant account because they use WellsFargo for their merchant accounts, and WF won't approve this type of operation.
Definitely frustrating stuff. I'll try CostCo on the phone again tomorrow, though, and just wait as long as it takes.