Replies to post #418 on Poet's Corner

[E.]

There's your poem, David!

And I think it's much much nicer than any of the poems I read on that site.

But my reactions to Poetry.com remain unchanged. Maybe others here would give their thoughts about the site.

It is up to you to decide whether it is worth the money for the fun, and of course there might well be fun in it, I realize.

Good luck with your work!

[Poet]

Hi Dave,

Please forgive me for not having responded earlier to your poem. Here are some general thoughts, worth only a penny or two:

The first two stanzas are formal metered and rhymed quatrains (aabb), with six-beat lines, the second three quatrains have a different rhyme scheme (abab) but only four-beat lines. If you're going for a formal style, it's preferred to be consistent in terms of rhyme scheme, line beat and line length. Note how the lines in the final quatrains are shorter.

I'm not sure I understand the use of the word 'unspoken" in the sevond line.

Capitalizing the words "Man" and "Unspoken" is a little arcane.

In the line "Yet there was no escaping it, the damage had been done" implies that the act of achieving manhood is somehow painful and traumatic, damaging. Is this what you mean? If so, I'd like to know more.

I like the idea you put forth in the last three quatrains; that of somehow finding a way to be a man while still embracing one's childlike qualities. What might they be? Hopefulness? Nonjudgementalism? Why is it important to keep them?