I was baptized as a Presbyterian.
My mother taught Sunday School.
My father believes he is the reincarnation of Moses.
I have read all of the Bible, the Koran, the Bagvat Gita,
I have spend a considerable amount of time studying Christianity, Hinduism and Buddism.
The Pope bestowed an Apostolic Blessing on my marriage, and I have the proof hanging on a wall in my house.
Based on all of the above, I can tell you that I have the firm opinion that God's feet smell like Fritos.