You Know You're An Old Catholic If ...
* You still think the secret problem of priests is
alcoholism.
* You remember when Nuns wore habits.
* You think "No meat on Fridays" has nothing to do with
oral sex.
* You remember the days of altar boys instead of altered
boys.
* You think "Mother Superior" is more than a term of
hooker endearment.
* You think the primacy of Peter had nothing to do Lorena
Bobbit.
* You answer "Yes" to both "Does a bear eat in the woods?,"
and "Is the Pope Italian?"
* You remember the days when confessions did NOT start out
with "You have the right to remain silent."
* You think a man dressed in black was not a member of the
SWAT team.
* You remember when kneelers were in church, not in the
Oval Office.
* You remember when Cardinals were birds of pray, not prey.
* You remember the days before Bingo was made a sacrament.
* You remember when "Love one another" did not mean "Orgy
Time!"
* You remember when Amazing Grace was not the name of every
tenth stripper.
* You remember when "Father" was a religious title, not
the results of a court-ordered DNA test.
* You remember when "Mother" was also a religious title,
not the first (shortened) name of really bad people .
* You remember when you could get out of trouble with God
just by saying three "Hail Mary's."
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