OT: Typical stock spam reads as follows:
"Come one, come all! ALCH (Alchemy, Inc.) has a patent pending to convert lead into gold. Investors are doubly excited by an existing pilot project to end war and hunger through the novel method of killing and eating all soldiers at the ends of their enlistments. Buy now before it's too late!"
"In other news, FOOL (Federated Opportunities, LLC) released a PR this week regarding their new methods for slicing bread, lighting fires, and making wheels even rounder. It's the chance of a century -- early investors will be rewarded. Watch and learn. Help me help you..."
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