Replies to post #57981 on Sulja Bros. Building Supplies, Ltd (SLJB)

[skinluvr]

Agreed, looking much better. Chad has a team of guys working around the clock. Like the dedication!

Skinluvr

[bobrainey300]

geez, look at the first sentence-

"Marquee Asset Management is focused on strategic communication with special services the areas of reputation assessment and management, the development of communications plans based on research, and areas of counseling to include: one-on-one support for management, marketing plans, network marketing, risk avoidance, and crisis communications management."

WTF? What kind of grammar is that? Somebody help these guys.

Somebody tell Chad to hire an English teacher.

[Teamlasvegas]

Test

News

http://www.dpm.ae/discoverdubai/econ_cont.asp?id=96360

[mx10001]

A few added words and breaking up the beginning run-on sentence makes this read much better. (Yes, I am a former English teacher) Does anyone know how to email this to Marquee? I could not find an email contact on their web site. thanks.

Marquee Asset Management is focused on strategic communication with special services in the areas of reputation assessment and management, the development of communications plans based on research in and areas of counseling. This includes one-on-one support for management, marketing plans, network marketing, risk avoidance, and crisis communications management. Recognized for its innovation in the industry, the Marquee Asset Management team also specializes in public affairs, community relations, education, and real estate. Marquee Asset Management offers a broad range of services, but our primary focus--and our greatest strength--is asset management. Through our ongoing contacts, we are viewed by our clients as dependable, credible and knowledgeable industry sources who deliver time and time again. Marquee Asset Management supports domestic and international businesses.

[Grande25]

I agree that the website has improved. However, this first sentence on the page is awful:

Asset Management is focused on strategic communication with special services the areas of reputation assessment and management, the development of communications plans based on research, and areas of counseling to include: one-on-one support for management, marketing plans, network marketing, risk avoidance, and crisis communications management.

Okay, now in communicating you want to consider your reader and that they are trying to understand what you are TRYING to tell them. The above sentence is very long and communicates three main points. In my opinion, there are two logical ways and one superior way to express the quoted sentence. The first way eliminates the run on sentence fragment by adding some words to highlight the different main points:

Asset Management is focused on strategic communication with special services in areas of reputation assessment and management, development of communications plans based on research, and counseling to include: one-on-one support for management, marketing plans, network marketing, risk avoidance, and crisis communications management.

These minor changes alone make the sentence much easier to understand what the heck is going on! Now, if you wanted to hit a grand slam you could break this out so it’s even easier to see. I mean we are talking about illustrating 3 VERY big ideas here:

Asset Management is focused on strategic communication with special services in three significant areas:
1. Reputation assessment and management
2. Development of communications plans based on research
3. Counseling to include: one-on-one support for management, marketing plans, network marketing, risk avoidance, and crisis communications management.


From here you would go on to describe the three significant services. Otherwise, you are just rambling on with senseless gibberish by changing the topic leaving readers asking them selves, “What the heck is this page trying to tell me?”