MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2014 Aloha Blow As a tumultuous and sometimes tragic year draws to a close, there is one question which is undeniably on every American's mind: is president Barry having big fun on his every conceivable expense paid Hawaiian über-vacation?
Happily, the answer is of course he is! Per a hard-hitting story from CBS News (representing their deepest piece of investigative journalism all year), the athletically-gifted president is playing oodles of golf, visiting the gym (and lingering in the shower room), and bowling. Which is especially difficult in Hawaii because the game is played with coconuts and Tiki glasses from Trader Vic's.
Sadly, one of the reasons the president golfs so much is that his basketball game has suffered owing to the unending time demands of being the smartest and most important person in the universe. "Man, my jump shot is broke," Obama recently wept. "I've been working too hard."
And what work it is. According to a recent radio interview, when the harried and hurried president is in the White House, his daily routine is brutally inflexible. "I spend most of my time watching ESPN in the morning," he explained. "I get so much politics I don’t, you know, want to be inundated with a bunch of chatter about politics during the day."
Which would certainly explain why he can't be bothered to attend his morning security briefings. Or meet with those darn politically-chattering Republicans. Or apparently do much of anything else with his time during the day other than meet with the likes of Al Sharpton to chat about sports. Assuming that race war can be considered a sport.
BONUS: Missing Linkster
This is the kind of deplorable, racist humor that Hope n' Change won't stand for!
In a frightening escalation of tensions related to the hacking of SONY Pictures (which most people other than our government officials no longer believe can be blamed on North Korea), an official statement has been issued by the government of impish dictator Kim Jung Un which calls Barack Obama a "monkey in a tropical forest."
This is completely and entirely unacceptable, as there are plenty of non-racist ways of insulting America's first halfrican, semi-Muslim, bi-curious, socialist, lying, anti-constitutionalist, cop-hating, dope-smoking, blow-snorting, border-busting, fiddle-dick, douchebag, undocumented imperialistic monarch without going down the sad, ugly road of simian stereotyping.
Especially from a little Korean pork-pie who looks like the Pillsbury doughboy wearing Joseph Stalin's moustache as a toupee.
Last warning, Kimster. Drop the racism and call Obama an asshole like everyone else does, or be prepared to face the awesome wrath of Hope n' Change.
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