Soylent Green Acres

[SoxFan]

Last night I heard a sad story on the news and immediately thought of you. I just couldn't help myself. I guess last Saturday in Britain at a Zoo there was this little Penguin stolen from its mother and father. Just by coincidence last Saturday you were downing carafes of wine like a man stranded in the desert dying of thirst would attack a barrel of cool pristine water. Naturally one might suspect that you being in some wilderness called Rhode Island would exclude you as a potential culprit but my useless trivia filled mind recalled an earlier incident with Pumpsie Green and Gene Conley, who while playing for the Red Sox and on a bus to Yankee Stadium stuck in traffic got off at Times Square and said they would walk. Three days later and all of NY’s finest looking for them the Red Sox get a call from the immigration authorities in Israel saying they have two players purporting to be with the Red Sox who got off the plane without passports. They also appeared to be very drunk and have no clue how they got there. With that as a backdrop, and I hope you don’t feel insulted, do you happen to have a 9lb penguin in your house? Just in case you do it likes regurgitated raw fish and its parents miss it.