Tuesday, October 25, 2005 8:18:19 AM
OT: 
) Getting ready for ski season:
The ski season is finally here. This list of exercises will help you get ready...
- Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards,
burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
- Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
- Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each
night.
- If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
- Throw away a hundred dollar bill - RIGHT NOW!
- Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of
skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically
drop things.
- Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a
C-clamp around your toes.
- Buy a new pair of gloves and IMMEDIATELY THROW ONE AWAY!
- Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
- Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest
line.
- Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket, get on a motorcycle and ride fast enough to make
the ticket lacerate your face.
- Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an
18-wheeler.
- Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on
your face until it melts. Let it drip onto your clothes.
- Slam your thumb in a car door and don't bother to go see a doctor.
* Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until you're ready for the real thing!
) Getting ready for ski season: The ski season is finally here. This list of exercises will help you get ready...
- Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards,
burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
- Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
- Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each
night.
- If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
- Throw away a hundred dollar bill - RIGHT NOW!
- Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of
skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically
drop things.
- Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a
C-clamp around your toes.
- Buy a new pair of gloves and IMMEDIATELY THROW ONE AWAY!
- Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
- Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest
line.
- Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket, get on a motorcycle and ride fast enough to make
the ticket lacerate your face.
- Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an
18-wheeler.
- Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on
your face until it melts. Let it drip onto your clothes.
- Slam your thumb in a car door and don't bother to go see a doctor.
* Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until you're ready for the real thing!
Cash is King until further notice!!!
My comments on companies are usually my opinion of long term success (years). The PPS may go up or down greatly in the meantime depending on the number of greedy suckers with money.
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