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[Paule]

1 Apocalypse Bear
Thinks global economy will collapse due to total charade
organized and controlled by The Powers That Be. Predicts
massive inflation followed by repudiation of fiat currency, or
worldwide deflation (take your pick). Looks to political events
for clues about the future. Was hoping Y2K would be more
eventful than it turned out to be.
Holds gold stocks and some bear funds. Isn't quite
ready to commit to shorting or buying puts. Waiting for
confirmation. In the meantime has stocked up on food
and water, 'just in case it gets real bad'.
2
Credit Crisis Bear
Reads complicated essays about esoteric financial issues.
Concerned about low savings rates, trade deficits, the yield
curve, bond market hijinks, bank overextension, and the
money supply. Has seen so much negative data over the past
four years, it's hard to detect any real signal anymore.
Tends to play with broad market instruments as
opposed to individual stocks. Hasn't lost shirt.
3
Weary Bear
Expects high P/E stocks to come back to earth when
fundamentals reassert themselves. Once was an enthusiastic
bear (say in 1997, 8, and 9). Has witnessed the market stall
and dip, only to blast off again, several times. Significantly
burned with worthless puts or short squeezes more than once.
Has developed an exquisite sense for the market. Won't get
fooled again. Mostly in the market for revenge.
Pops in and out of bear funds and occasional
put/shorts. Is waiting for the right time, at which time will
pile on and ride the market down. Is not expecting a
crash, but wouldn't be surprised if it happened.
4
Trading Bear
Looks for stocks to bounce around but generally head south.
Feels that Technical Analysis is the way to go most of the
time. Has been a survivor (unlike some vanquished Weary
Bears) because of nimble trading and tight stops.
Daytrades or week-trades. Has had some successes,
but also some losses in the last three years. Is likely to
short-cover a little too soon if the Big One hits.
5
New Bear
Just showed up and doesn't understand why old-time bears
(listed above) aren't gung-ho about an immediate market
decline. Hasn't experienced a snap-back rally. Hasn't owned a
double-inverse Nasdaq fund, but thinks it's attractive. Hasn't
shorted or held puts, been in the money, only to have some
meatball analyst talk up stocks prior to expiration Friday. May
be in for some rude surprises.
Soon will choose what kind of bear to be. Many become
Trading Bears. Others split into Apocalypse, Credit
Crisis, and Weary Bear categories.

Type
Outlook
Does
6
Smart Bear
Avoided the NASDAQ for the most part. Managed to short
those stocks which were part of the 'stealth' bear market. Most
likely a fundamentalist who also was aware of the great risks
in betting against a momentum sector.
Moves in for gains only after clear and convincing
evidence appears for earnings problems and lack of
market enthusiasm.
7
Information
Overload Bear
Has read Fleckenstein and Tice for years. Paid attention to
Barton Biggs, Alan Abelson, and Jim Grant. Knows all the
arguments regarding market overvaluation. Owns a
dog-eared copy of The Great Crash.
Not much. It's like, "If all these guys are correct, how
come the market hasn't collapsed yet?" Bears sound
convincing, but reality has been different - so far.
8
Lucky Bear
Believed to be extinct.
Unknown.
9
Angry Bear
Is hopping mad at the outrageous P/E for EBAY. Incredulous
about multi-billion market caps for 'blue sky' startups. Rants
about optical, biotech, fuel-cells, and other passing fads.
Makes a lot of noise, but hasn't put too much money at
risk yet. Deep down, this bear senses that as insane as
this market is, no amount of hectoring will change it.
10
Frustrated Bear
Thinks the market is overvalued, but not quite sure by how
much. Tends to be long for the most part - or in low yield but
safe instruments. Wants to participate in a bear feast, but
frankly can't see the right opportunity. Thinks puts are always
too expensive.
Will not do much even in a bear market. Watches the
situation closely, but feels that it's too risky going short.

Type
Outlook
Does
11
CNBC Bear
Has called for a market decline as far back as anyone can
remember. Is usually a guest on CNBC for the bulls to make
fun of.
Issues standard remarks about being in cash, or to
lighten up on stocks that have gained 400% over the
last year. Everybody ignores the advice.
12
Wall $treet Week
Bear
Currently banished from the show. The last one seen there,
Gail Dudak, was tossed from the Elves Index in 1999.
Plots Louis Rukeyser's demise.
13
Sleeping Bear
Figures it's not worth gaming this market.
Hibernates until a recession shows up.
14
Rabid Bear
'Knows' the market will drop starting tomorrow.
Goes whole hog against the market. Indescriminately
buys puts, and shorts momentum stocks while they are
rising. Approximate life span for this species has been
nine months.
15
Naked Bear
Confident of limited upside in selected stocks. A more
aggressive (and foolish - if you can believe it) version of
Rabid Bear.
Writes naked calls during bull markets. Is destined for
bankruptcy in short order. Will lose shirt, shorts, and
everything else.

Type
Outlook
Does
16
Half-hearted Bear
Variant of Trading Bear. Talks the bear talk, but deep down
isn't fully committed. Lacks conviction. It's the same problem
(only in reverse) that perma-bears have when they try to be
bullish.
Will play the short side, but tends to put more money on
the table for upside moves.
17
Bear Rug
Is disgusted with Wall Street and isn't an active trader. No
money left. Got badly burned shortly after one crisis (Asia,
Russia, LTCM, or '98 tech slump) by betting on further
declines, only to see the Federal Reserve step in and save
the day. May have also lost big during the wild ride of
Nov99-Mar00. Would like to have lunch with Julian Robertson
someday.
Writes angry letters to Alan Greenspan. Refuses to
watch CNBC anymore. Uses business section of
newspaper to train dog or line birdcage.
18
Happy Bear
Cheerful. Loves life. Believes we live in the best of all possible
worlds. Thinks Maria Bartiromo is terrific.
Currently on medication under a doctor's supervision.
19
Bogus Bear
Is a bull - no doubt about it.
Shows up on bearish message boards and raises ####
until chased away by the system administrator.
20
Bear-to-be
Currently a bull. Will remain so until bear market is fully
established. Then it will be to late.
Follows the crowd. Pays attention to Peter Lynch, Joe
Battipaglia, and Henry Blodget. Does whatever Abby
Cohen advises.

Type
Outlook
Does
21
Loudmouth Bear
Bearish for a number of reasons: Technical Analysis,
Fundamentals, Market Mood. Doesn't really matter.
Hangs out on Yahoo boards and engages in fiery
debates with believers in the New Era. POSTS IN ALL
CAPS.
22
Bear Cub
Lifetime bearish orientation being shaped by parents' gloomy
estimation of the markets. That will be a great asset or a great
liability - depending on what actually happens when the critter
reaches adulthood.
Can't wait to be old enough to open a brokerage
account and short QCOM (or its equivalent).
23
Sweating Bear
Terrified that another melt-up is in the offing. Only a couple of
days earlier had committed substantial funds to the short side.
Now very worried due to 'froth talk' about pending mergers,
money-on-the-sidelines coming back, 401k inflows, Fed
easing, any speech by Greenspan, or BLS reports.
Closes all short positions at market open. In the past,
this has often been the right thing to do, but is
developing a stimulus/reaction response that may be a
handicap in the future.
24
Relieved Bear
One horrible short play cancelled out by another that went
well. Wonders why bother at all with this nonsense.
That evening, goes out with friends or family for a good
time. Might have a few drinks as well.
25
Smiling Bear
Feeling pretty good about recent successes.
Bought some out-of-the-money puts a week before
Company X warned, and has a ten-bagger as a result.
Looking for another firm with a similar profile in order to
try it again.

Type
Outlook
Does
26
Perma-Bear
Only likes stocks trading below book value and with P/E's
under 5. Favors large cap consumer non-durables. Considers
Warren Buffett too much of a risk taker.
Avoids tech like the plague. Loves bonds. Portfolio has
appreciated by 2% (on an annual basis) over the last
decade. Unlikely to actively bet against the market,
despite feeling that it's a bubble destined to burst.
27
Elliot Wave Bear
Charts up a storm. Can count up to five (according to studies
at the University of Michigan). Keeps portrait of Leonardo
Pisano Fibonacci in den. Bed has length:width ratio of 1.618*

* Golden ratio, Phi [f]
Does quite well at times, but may find market transition
points (churning) hard to resolve one way or another.
Runs risk of being whipsawed. It is not known if Elliot
Wave Bears and Elliot Wave Bulls are distinct species -
though most experts suspect that is the case.
28
Scared S***less
Bear
Shorted a stock at 120 only to see it run up to 160. Hoping for
a market reversal. Either that, or an asteroid to hit Manhattan
before the margin call comes in.
Does not 'do it' in the woods. Is frozen into inaction,
hoping for an exit point that never seems to materialize.
Good candidate for a peptic ulcer.
29
New Era Bear
No such thing. A contradiction in terms.
n/a
30
Kodak Bear
Sub-species of Kodiak Bear.
Shorted EK in '99 and in '00. Recently gobbled up
profits faster than its fellow bears eat salmon in summer.

Type
Outlook
Does
31
401k Bear
Only significant funds are in 401k plan. By law, options may
not be purchased, nor can stocks be shorted. Must look to the
few inverse-market mutual funds as the best alternative.
Buys PrudentBear (BEARX), BearGuard, ProFunds
(USPIX, URPIX), or Rydex/Arktos (RYAIX, RYURX) funds.
32
QQQ Bear
(aka Q-Bear)
Focuses on the Nasdaq-100 trust, though may also get
involved with specific stocks from time to time. Likes the fact
that the Q's average out much of the noise and
unpredictability that accompanies individual securities.
Daytrades. Plays the Q's directly, or may try options.
Has to watch things pretty closely at times since volatility
remains fairly large, even for an index. Even though a
bear in general orientation, has to go long occasionally
'cause that's where the index seems to be headed at
times.
33
S&P Bear
Like QQQ Bear, but prefers working the Standard and Poor's
indices.
Similar to QQQ Bear.
34
Virgin Bear
Innocent as they come. Has actually made trades based on
Alan Abelson's column. Probably shorted a bit of AOL for a
small profit, and thinks playing the downside isn't all that
troubling. Hasn't experienced a short squeeze yet.
Pays no attention to Short Ratio, Shares Outstanding
vs. Float, Shares Short as Percent of Float. Will be
paying attention in the near future.
35
Logical Bear
On endangered species list during times of irrational
exuberance. Prior history shows an ability for the population
to recover sharply during market downturns.
Is a fundamentalist for the most part. Tends not to take
big risks. Unexciting player to watch. Owns a copy of
Graham and Dodd's Security Analysis, and will be
happy to discuss it with you over dinner. (You, of
course, politely decline the invitation.)

Type
Outlook
Does
36
International Bear
Obsessed with the Japanese Yen, British Pound, Mexican
Peso, and the Greek Drachma. Likes the idea of a Currency
Board for 'those countries that lack self discipline'. Sees
economic strength in terms of exchange rates. Is frankly
baffled by the poor showing of the Euro.
Does a little currency futures trading at times, but for
the most part buys and sells equities in overseas
bourses.
37
Vindicated Bear
Relief that much of the pain and suffering endured during the
1990's seems to be finally over. Though there have been big
losses during that time, the fact that the New Era has lost its
sheen, provides some solace. Always thought Greenspan was
way too cavalier about the fact that "we may be in a bubble".
Can't help saying, "I told you so," when dot-coms that
traded as high as $100 are now going for $2 and
change. Is not sympathetic at all to daytraders or margin
players that got hurt - but doesn't tease them either.
38
21st Century Bear
A most fortunate creature. Through luck or skill, didn't
become a bear until the year 2000. Missed out on all the 'fun'
other bears experienced up to that time.
Straightforward shorting and puts on tech. Not a whole
lot of analysis applied. To the amazement of long time
bears, most plays turn out to be big winners. (Sort of the
inverse of the buy-on-the-dips bull: can't lose when the
trend is your friend)
39
Wandering Bear
Moves from Fundamental Analysis to Technical Analysis to
Market Mood to Astrological Influences to whatever catches
his fancy. Although a bear in outlook, the failings of each
school during the exuberant market have made this bear keep
looking for something to make sense of it all.
Does the wrong thing at the wrong time. Shorted during
the wild run ups. Bought puts when the market was
stagnant. Tried to profit on the situation the day after a
big market drop, only to get socked by the snap-back
rally.
40
Media Bear
Cannot believe the television ads for brokerage firms which
feature people who wouldn't know a 10K if it came up and if it
bit them in the behind. Was stunned that Schwab featured
18-year-old tennis player Anna Kournikova explaining
financial terms between sets. Incredulous that so many ads
were aired during the Superbowl. Considers the fact that Jeff
Bezos was Time's Man of the Year a good indicator that the
world has gone mad.
Avoids popular media. Only watches PBS or reads back
issues of Colliers.