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Sunday, October 07, 2012 8:24:24 AM
‘Coming Out’ as a Boy Scout Has a Price
By KJ DELL'ANTONIA - October 6, 2012, 2:33 pm 4 Comments
Ryan Andresen and the Ryan Andresen/Change.org
Ryan Andresen and the “tolerance wall” he created for his community service project.
National Coming Out Day, on Oct. 11 this year, is a day that provokes mixed feelings among those it prompts, or has prompted, to reveal a sexual identity that they have hidden. But in Helping a Child to Come Out .. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/07/fashion/helping-a-gay-child-to-come-out.html?pagewanted=all , the New York Times’ John Schwartz writes about another group that, he says, regards the day with a mixture of longing, impatience and expectation: the parents of children who know that their son or daughter is gay, but hasn’t yet worked up the courage to tell them.
Parents aren’t blind, and the clues are often there. Some research suggests that sexual orientation can show itself even at three years old. In our own family, by the time our youngest son came out at 13, my wife and I had long progressed from inkling to conviction….
We’re not the only ones, said Ellen Kahn, the director of the Family Project for the Human Rights Campaign, a leading advocacy group for gays and lesbians. Recalling that her own tomboy ways served as a signal, she said, “I was one of those kids, and my parents were those parents.”
There are, as Mr. Schwartz writes, many things that can push a gay teen toward or away from coming out publicly or at home. He felt that as difficult as coming out might be, his son would be happier for not fearing that he was hiding a part of himself from his family. But there are still places where intolerance is the norm, and still punishments available for those who are open about that facet of their identity, as Ryan Andresen has discovered.
Ryan is a teenager whose mother says has completed all the requirements to become an Eagle Scout. Her recent Change.org petition .. http://www.change.org/petitions/boy-scouts-don-t-let-your-anti-gay-policy-deny-my-son-his-eagle-award , which has collected nearly 150,000 signatures as of this writing, says that “when leadership in Troop 212 (San Francisco Bay Area) found out that Ryan was gay, the Scoutmaster said he refused to sign the official paperwork designating Ryan as an Eagle Scout.” It’s easy to see why some teens might feel that “don’t ask, don’t tell” is still the best way to be gay within some communities.
Ryan Andresen/Change.org
Ryan Andresen with his father in 2003.
Recent history suggests that the Boy Scouts are not moved by public opinion, and their stance reflects the shifting ground on which many gay people feel they stand today: accepted in some places and rejected in others. That’s reflected, too, in the advice Mr. Schwartz collected for parents in the position he was once in: don’t push a teenager to come out. It’s your teenager’s identity to reveal, and once a teenager is out within his or her family, parents might to advise that those same children move more slowly in other areas of their lives.
The terrain of gay adolescence isn’t easy, and the appearance of acceptance in the media may make accepting the challenges even harder for parents anxious to smooth paths for their children. I suspect Ryan will not get his Eagle Scout award. The strength to be honest about who he is even when that identity isn’t welcome, and the support of a family who values that honesty, will have to be reward enough.
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/06/coming-out-as-a-boy-scout-has-a-price/
========
Mother of gay California Boy Scout fights for Eagle award
Reuters – 20 hrs ago
(Reuters) - The mother of a gay California Boy Scout denied an Eagle award because of his sexual orientation is fighting to overturn the decision before he turns 18, the cut-off date for the organization's highest honor.
Ryan Andresen's mother, Karen, said the scoutmaster of his Troop 212 in Moraga, a San Francisco suburb, had refused to grant Eagle status to Ryan, who has been a scout since age 6, even though he met the requirements.
"His last words were I'd rather resign than sign," Andresen told Reuters.
A petition launched by Andresen on Change.org, an Internet social change platform, calls on his troop to reject the Boy Scouts of America's discriminatory policy against gays and give the California teenager his Eagle rank.
More than 200,000 people had signed the petition by late Friday.
Andresen said her son was staying with friends to avoid publicity, but plans to appear next week on the TV show "Ellen," which is hosted by comedian Ellen DeGeneres and often discusses gay-rights issues.
Andresen said Ryan had been victim of bullying in his troop, and chose as his final Eagle project to create at a local school what he called the "tolerance wall" - a collection of 288 tiles painted by elementary school students depicting acts of kindness.
Ryan surprised even his parents when he came out publicly as gay in July in a mass letter to the troop in which he stood up for another scout who was bullied, Andresen said.
According to its website, the troop is sponsored by a local Presbyterian church and counts more than 75 active members aged 11 to 18. The scoutmaster, listed on the website as Rainer Del Valle, did not respond to an email from Reuters for comment.
Boy Scouts of America spokesman Deron Smith indicated in a statement that Andresen's Boy Scouts membership had been revoked.
"This scout proactively notified his unit leadership and Eagle Scout counselor that he does not agree to scouting's principle of "duty to God" and does not meet scouting's membership standard on sexual orientation," the statement said.
The Boy Scouts of America has come under public pressure on the issue since May when an Ohio lesbian, who was suddenly ejected from her troop, started a petition on Change.org for her reinstatement and an overhaul of the anti-gay policy.
Subsequently, two Boy Scouts board members, the CEOs of telecoms company AT&T and accounting firm Ernst&Young, have spoken out against the discrimination. In September, computer chip-maker Intel, the Boy Scouts of America's biggest corporate donor, withdrew its support for the organization, which has about 2.7 million members.
(The story is re-filed to add dropped word in lede)
(Reporting by Barbara Liston; Editing by Tom Brown and Christopher Wilson)
http://news.yahoo.com/mother-gay-california-boy-scout-fights-eagle-award-034229703.html
By KJ DELL'ANTONIA - October 6, 2012, 2:33 pm 4 Comments
![](http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2012/10/05/style/motherlode-ryan-andresen/motherlode-ryan-andresen-blog480.jpg)
Ryan Andresen and the Ryan Andresen/Change.org
Ryan Andresen and the “tolerance wall” he created for his community service project.
National Coming Out Day, on Oct. 11 this year, is a day that provokes mixed feelings among those it prompts, or has prompted, to reveal a sexual identity that they have hidden. But in Helping a Child to Come Out .. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/07/fashion/helping-a-gay-child-to-come-out.html?pagewanted=all , the New York Times’ John Schwartz writes about another group that, he says, regards the day with a mixture of longing, impatience and expectation: the parents of children who know that their son or daughter is gay, but hasn’t yet worked up the courage to tell them.
Parents aren’t blind, and the clues are often there. Some research suggests that sexual orientation can show itself even at three years old. In our own family, by the time our youngest son came out at 13, my wife and I had long progressed from inkling to conviction….
We’re not the only ones, said Ellen Kahn, the director of the Family Project for the Human Rights Campaign, a leading advocacy group for gays and lesbians. Recalling that her own tomboy ways served as a signal, she said, “I was one of those kids, and my parents were those parents.”
There are, as Mr. Schwartz writes, many things that can push a gay teen toward or away from coming out publicly or at home. He felt that as difficult as coming out might be, his son would be happier for not fearing that he was hiding a part of himself from his family. But there are still places where intolerance is the norm, and still punishments available for those who are open about that facet of their identity, as Ryan Andresen has discovered.
Ryan is a teenager whose mother says has completed all the requirements to become an Eagle Scout. Her recent Change.org petition .. http://www.change.org/petitions/boy-scouts-don-t-let-your-anti-gay-policy-deny-my-son-his-eagle-award , which has collected nearly 150,000 signatures as of this writing, says that “when leadership in Troop 212 (San Francisco Bay Area) found out that Ryan was gay, the Scoutmaster said he refused to sign the official paperwork designating Ryan as an Eagle Scout.” It’s easy to see why some teens might feel that “don’t ask, don’t tell” is still the best way to be gay within some communities.
![](http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2012/10/05/style/motherlode-ryan-andresen2/motherlode-ryan-andresen2-articleInline.jpg)
Ryan Andresen/Change.org
Ryan Andresen with his father in 2003.
Recent history suggests that the Boy Scouts are not moved by public opinion, and their stance reflects the shifting ground on which many gay people feel they stand today: accepted in some places and rejected in others. That’s reflected, too, in the advice Mr. Schwartz collected for parents in the position he was once in: don’t push a teenager to come out. It’s your teenager’s identity to reveal, and once a teenager is out within his or her family, parents might to advise that those same children move more slowly in other areas of their lives.
The terrain of gay adolescence isn’t easy, and the appearance of acceptance in the media may make accepting the challenges even harder for parents anxious to smooth paths for their children. I suspect Ryan will not get his Eagle Scout award. The strength to be honest about who he is even when that identity isn’t welcome, and the support of a family who values that honesty, will have to be reward enough.
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/06/coming-out-as-a-boy-scout-has-a-price/
========
Mother of gay California Boy Scout fights for Eagle award
Reuters – 20 hrs ago
(Reuters) - The mother of a gay California Boy Scout denied an Eagle award because of his sexual orientation is fighting to overturn the decision before he turns 18, the cut-off date for the organization's highest honor.
Ryan Andresen's mother, Karen, said the scoutmaster of his Troop 212 in Moraga, a San Francisco suburb, had refused to grant Eagle status to Ryan, who has been a scout since age 6, even though he met the requirements.
"His last words were I'd rather resign than sign," Andresen told Reuters.
A petition launched by Andresen on Change.org, an Internet social change platform, calls on his troop to reject the Boy Scouts of America's discriminatory policy against gays and give the California teenager his Eagle rank.
More than 200,000 people had signed the petition by late Friday.
Andresen said her son was staying with friends to avoid publicity, but plans to appear next week on the TV show "Ellen," which is hosted by comedian Ellen DeGeneres and often discusses gay-rights issues.
Andresen said Ryan had been victim of bullying in his troop, and chose as his final Eagle project to create at a local school what he called the "tolerance wall" - a collection of 288 tiles painted by elementary school students depicting acts of kindness.
Ryan surprised even his parents when he came out publicly as gay in July in a mass letter to the troop in which he stood up for another scout who was bullied, Andresen said.
According to its website, the troop is sponsored by a local Presbyterian church and counts more than 75 active members aged 11 to 18. The scoutmaster, listed on the website as Rainer Del Valle, did not respond to an email from Reuters for comment.
Boy Scouts of America spokesman Deron Smith indicated in a statement that Andresen's Boy Scouts membership had been revoked.
"This scout proactively notified his unit leadership and Eagle Scout counselor that he does not agree to scouting's principle of "duty to God" and does not meet scouting's membership standard on sexual orientation," the statement said.
The Boy Scouts of America has come under public pressure on the issue since May when an Ohio lesbian, who was suddenly ejected from her troop, started a petition on Change.org for her reinstatement and an overhaul of the anti-gay policy.
Subsequently, two Boy Scouts board members, the CEOs of telecoms company AT&T and accounting firm Ernst&Young, have spoken out against the discrimination. In September, computer chip-maker Intel, the Boy Scouts of America's biggest corporate donor, withdrew its support for the organization, which has about 2.7 million members.
(The story is re-filed to add dropped word in lede)
(Reporting by Barbara Liston; Editing by Tom Brown and Christopher Wilson)
http://news.yahoo.com/mother-gay-california-boy-scout-fights-eagle-award-034229703.html
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