Unfortunately, its true.
Seven Insane Ways To Get Drunk Without Drinking
Some people really enjoy the feeling of being drunk, but hate having to do all that pesky drinking.
Maybe they don't like the taste.
Maybe they're in a hurry, and the normal metabolic process is a waste of time.
Regardless, the lengths to which some will go to get their swerve on provides a unique and truly chilling look at humanity.
This should go without saying, but we're going to say it anyway: Don't do any of these things.
Seriously.
They are all very, very stupid, not worth it, and potentially deadly. Mmmkay?
How These Work
When you drink alcohol, roughly 10-15 percent of it is absorbed in your stomach, and the other 85-90 percent is absorbed in your small intestine. But here's the thing: Those aren't the only places you can absorb alcohol. Basically, you can aim for any mucous membrane where capillaries are nice and close to the surface. Because it bypasses your digestive system, it's like taking a shortcut to your bloodstream.
So, why is it so dangerous?
Bypassing your digestive system can be deadly.
The body has a rather good mechanism for keeping you from ingesting too much alcohol, your liver filters out the worst toxins, and the whole system shorts out and makes you puke before it's too late.
If you put alcohol directly into your bloodstream, there is no way to puke that out. As a result, the body is extremely susceptible to blood-alcohol poisoning. This requires a trip to the hospital, at the very least, and you might not survive at all.
This list of insane experimental ingestion methods is presented in descending order, starting with casually stupid, on down into the outright horrifying.
Let the cautionary tales begin.
7. Snorting
Y'know what's really thin and sensitive?
The mucous membranes inside your nose.
Ever looked at a shot of vodka and thought, "I wish I could snort that"?
If so, what the hell is wrong with you?
This was a trend in the U.K. not so very long ago, as the legends are all rife with tales of people passing out almost instantaneously.
6. Inhaling
Not so long ago, there was a European invention called Alcohol Without Liquid, or AWOL (that should be your first red flag).
You pour in a shot of your liquor of choice, the machine turns it into a vapor, and you inhale it.
Insufflated alcohol goes into your bloodstream much faster than drinking.
5. Sublingual Absorption
Can you absorb booze through the mucous membranes in your mouth without swallowing?
Yes.
You have to hold booze in your mouth, a little at a time, for a long time. If you were using a high-proof liquor, that would burn a lot.
4. Enema
Ever drank an ass-load of booze?
Lets hope you haven't done it like this.
It's called butt-chugging, and it's sad that it's common enough to have a nickname.
It is, essentially, an alcohol enema.
It's rather popular with the not-yet-21 college scene.
The appeal, for a practice that involves lying flat on your back, knees in the air, with a funnel shoved up your ass?
The mucous membranes up your poop-chute are extremely porous, allowing for rapid absorption.
Yay! I got drunk so fast! Oops, I'm dead. No, really.
In 2004, this is how a gentleman in Texas accidentally killed himself. He was a big drinker, but had to stop drinking, because of a throat condition (probably due to the drinking). So he started butt-chugging. On May 21, 2004, he consumed two 1.5 liter bottles of sherry. That's 3 liters of wine, up his ass. Said gentleman passed out with much of the booze still inside his anal cavity, and so he continued to absorb it. He died with a blood-alcohol content of .47, six times the legal limit for intoxication. On the bright side, he won a Darwin Award.
3. Tampons
Same concept as butt-chugging. People take a tampon, soak it in vodka, then use the applicator to inject it into their vaginas and/or rectums.
Sounds like a hoot.
2. Eyeballing
Why, oh why is this actually a thing?
Apply vodka bottle to eyeball, tilt head back, scream in pain.
The immediate rush is more likely to be derived, not from the alcohol, but from the adrenaline you get from causing yourself such intense pain. It should come as no surprise that it's possible to cause permanent optical damage.
1. Injecting
And so we arrive at the bottom of the list, the single most horrifying way people get drunk.
People mainline alcohol. As in, they take a syringe and inject it directly into their veins.
This can cause internal bleeding and death.
Don't do it.
