Wednesday, August 31, 2005 11:16:32 PM
OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.
====================
Get Involved!
The addresses, phone, fax, and emails for the Kansas School Board can be found here [ http://www.ksde.org/commiss/bdaddr.html ]. Contact them, and ask that they respond to my letter.
I am hearing reports that some of the members are using email auto-responders. I suggest faxing them. Faxes are harder to ignore.
Contact the media, tell them you support Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. They can't ignore us forever.
====================
Frequently Asked Questions [ http://venganza.org/faq.htm ]:
1. Who are you?
Name: Bobby Henderson
Age: 24.
Education: Negligable (Physics degree).
Occupation: Unemployed. And somewhat bitter about it.
Current Location: Oregon.
Update: Offered a "real job" in Las Vegas. Trying to avoid moving there, as Vegas is the worst place on earth and makes my head want to explode.
Update2: Start date is August 24th. Still trying to get out of it. Head still wanting to explode.
Want to hire me? Check out my Hire Me [ http://venganza.org/hireme.htm ] page.
-----
2. Did you really send it to the Kansas School Board?
Yes, I did. If you'd like to show your support, you can find their contact information here [ http://www.ksde.org/commiss/bdaddr.html ]. Contact them and demand a response to my letter.
-----
3. Has the Kansas School Board replied?
Update - 6/25 - Received a reply from Mrs. Janet Waugh of District 1.
Update - 6/26 - Received a reply from Mrs. Sue Gamble of Distrct 2.
Check it out here [ http://venganza.org/response.htm (F6 note -- all 3 replies received to date from members of the Kansas School board below)].
-----
4. Are you an atheist/heathen/etc.?
I don't have a problem with religion. What I have a problem with is religion posing as science. Teach creationism in school, fine, but DON'T teach it in a science classroom. Science = the study of repeatable, observable, natural phenomena. Accepting a supernatural explanation is a cop-out. It's faith, NOT science.
Religious nuts: please stop emailing me about that. No I can't "repeat" evolution for you, so stop asking. But if you doubt the science that allows us to guess the age of the earth, then please stop using your computer, cell phones, and TV. The same methods of science that brought you those are the same methods we use for these evil evolution theories. Science is NOT truth, it's the search for truth, fact.
-----
5. You are making God angry.
I doubt it. If there's a god, and he's intelligent, then I would guess he has a sense of humor. And how do you know He is NOT a Flying Spaghetti Monster?
-----
6. Do you make money on the t-shirts?
Not alot. But someday I hope to run into some random person wearing a Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirt.
-----
7. Your graph is messed up.
No it's not. Time doesn't have to be on the X-axis. If you look, you'll see that the X-axis is "number of pirates". It is a graph of "global average temperature" (in celsius) Vs. "number of pirates". It's legit, and there is a statistical significance.
I SWEAR the graph is ok, really. I promise. I die a little everytime I get an email about this (well over 100 now). The numbers go 35,000 then 45,000 then 20,000 on purpose. See, there was a decline in the pirate population, but it rebounded slightly, and then declined again. Check your history books.
Also, I realize that there are several sports teams named the "pirates", and that there are millions of music/software "pirates". But *real* pirates use swords.
Ok.. here. The normal-looking graph you wanted, courtesy of Elizabeth [removed] PhD, a professor at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine (really). lookit [ http://venganza.org/pirate.pdf ] (.pdf format).
-----
8. Your grammar/spelling/etc is bad.
Yah.
-----
9. You're wrong. It's actually a linguini/mashed potato/dinosaur/elephant/whatever monster.
Maybe He just disguises Himself as those.
-----
10. Can I reprint your letter?
Yes, but please print the website address as well.
-----
11. Acceptible use of content.
In general, it is OK with me if you use the FSM images/content as long as they are in no way for profit. I.e., printing out FSM stickers for your own use would be OK, but selling them would not be. Giving them away would be fine in most cases.
====================
RESPONSES FROM THE KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD [ http://venganza.org/response.htm ]
-----
Response from Mrs. Janet Waugh - District 1 - Received 6/25/05
From: JWaugh1052@[xxxxxxx]
To: bobby.henderson@gmail.com
Date: Jun 25, 2005 6:34 AM
Subject: Response from a member of the Kansas Board of Education
Thanks for your comments about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and all the supporters who have sent their support to members of the Kansas Board of Education. I am supporting the recommendations of the science committee and am currently in the minority. I think your theory is wonderful and possibly some of the majority members will be willing to support it.
Thanks again,
Janet Waugh
District 1
-----
Response from Mrs. Sue Gamble - District 2 - Received 6/26/05
From: msgamble@[xxxxxxxxx]
To: bobby.henderson@gmail.com
Date: Jun 26, 2005 6:34 PM
Subject: Reply
Dear Mr. Henderson, Thanks for your message. Thanks for the laugh. Your web site is fascinating. I will add your theory to a long list of alternative theories I intend to introduce when it is appropriate. I am practicing how to do this with a straight face which is difficult since it's such a ridiculous subject; it is also very sad that we are even having the discussion.
I will be one of the four member minority who will be voting against the flawed science standards currently being proposed by the six member majority.
Sincerely, Sue Gamble
-----
Response from Mrs. Carol Rupe - District 8 - Received 8/16/05
From: Carol Rupe <crupe@[xxxxxxx]>
To: bobby.henderson@gmail.com
Date: Aug 16, 2005 8:19 AM
Subject: Kansas State Board of Education
Dear Mr. Henderson,
In the midst of the sad circumstances of having our science standards lowered, you and your legion of fellow FSM followers have offered wonderful comic relief. Rather than the form letters which we often receive on other topics, each FSM letter has been clever and unique. I responded to several at first, but now there have just been too many. I am a member of the Kansas State Board of Education and have voted repeatedly to maintain excellent science standards. Last week was the vote to send a new draft (written by the 6 conservative members) out for external review. The four of us on the board who are moderates were in the minority on the vote. The group of science teachers and university professors who had written the original standards (before they were changed) have now asked that their names be withdrawn from the document. The new version changes the very definition of science from "seeking natural explanations" to "seeking logical explanations". That is why I think FSMism is able to be included. It is as "logical" as any other theory.
The final vote on the standards will be in October. We will be in Lawrence, Kansas for that meeting. Those of us who are moderates on the board are trying to have the meeting in the Natural History Museum at the University of Kansas. We think that would be an appropriate setting for the occasion. We welcome you to be in attendance.
We have received thousands of emails from scientists around the world. At first, they all tried to explain good science to us. After the vote last week, however, they have resorted to calling us hillbillies and morons. And those are the nice letters!
Thank you for adding levity to this situation. You have developed quite a following. I was wondering if we could reverse the effects of global warming if we started breeding pirates.
Sincerely,
Carol Rupe
P.S. I ordered a Kansas Museum of Science t-shirt. I may just have to wear it to a board meeting.
====================
INTERESTING EMAILS I HAVE RECEIVED [F6 note -- many more collected emails available via the link at the end of this post]
Current favorite email:
Bobby,
Today I was blessed to receive a divine revelation from our Almighty
Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have the privilege of informing you that
it is His will that I become His Bride, in order that the Savior of
mankind (who is to be called Macaroni) may be born on this earth. The
FSM has revealed to me that your body is to be the vehicle by which
his holy seed shall be transmitted in earthly form.
To that end, I have reserved a room for us at the Best Western Airport
Inn, Boise, Idaho, for the evening of [removed]. I will be
the woman wearing the WWFSMD t-shirt and eye patch.
I look forward to meeting you and fulfilling the will of our noodly master.
Julie
Boise, Idaho
-----
Apparently there may be some problems with the mugs.
Dear Bobby,
I have recently purchased one of your coffee mugs, but it is giving me
no end of grief. Every time I put coffee, hot chocolate, or hot tea in
the mug, it instantly transubstantiates into what I assume is the blood
of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It sort of looks like marinara sauce,
but I'm afraid to taste it. Curiously, when I put wine into the mug,
it just turns into a nice, full-bodied chianti -- beer does the same
thing. Is there any act of sacrifice or ritual that I can perform to
stop these miracles from occurring? While I bask in His greatness and
I am truly awed by His power, I'm also kind of thirsty. Any advice
would be welcome.
Sebastian [xxxxxxxxx], Ph.D.
Austin.Texas
-----
New:
Bobby,
I am so glad the word has gotten out, and just in time, too. I am in my second trimester, and I was worried that when I gave birth to our Noodly Savior I would be shunned to the edges of society for giving birth to a fully-grown midgit in pirate regalia.
Yes, I have conceived the spirit of our Divine Lord, and immaculately, I might add. He came upon me while I was eating alone at The Olive Garden one evening this past winter--I was having a delicious meatball lasagna, I remember--and suddenly my eyes were filled with light, and the restaurant around me fell away, and there was nothing but His noodly appendage encircling me, caressing me. I cried out in ecstasy, and then I heard His voice in my ear, whispering to me, "In nine months time you shall give birth to a fully-grown midgit in pirate regalia, and He shall save the world from sin and hate and false notions about evolution and Creation."
I heard singing, and tomato sauce rained from the sky, and I saw angel hair pasta flying about with little farfalle wings and playing harps. It was beautiful. "You shall name Him....Prego...." said the Flying Spaghetti Monster, "and He shall bring in a new era of love and a worldwide following of Pastafarians willing to shed marinara sauce for what they believe."
And His noodly appendage left my trembling, sated body, and the singing faded, and I was once again in The Olive Garden, awaiting the birth of our Savior, Prego, who will deliver us from evil. I paid the check and went home and prayed all night to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. So fear not, Bobby! If Kansas refuses to include our religion in their science curriculum--imagine, survival of the fittest, ha! it is survival of the noodliest, any devout Pastafarian knows that--Prego shall smite those heathens and burn Kansas for all eternity. Ramen!
-Rebecca
====================
http://venganza.org/
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.
====================
Get Involved!
The addresses, phone, fax, and emails for the Kansas School Board can be found here [ http://www.ksde.org/commiss/bdaddr.html ]. Contact them, and ask that they respond to my letter.
I am hearing reports that some of the members are using email auto-responders. I suggest faxing them. Faxes are harder to ignore.
Contact the media, tell them you support Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. They can't ignore us forever.
====================
Frequently Asked Questions [ http://venganza.org/faq.htm ]:
1. Who are you?
Name: Bobby Henderson
Age: 24.
Education: Negligable (Physics degree).
Occupation: Unemployed. And somewhat bitter about it.
Current Location: Oregon.
Update: Offered a "real job" in Las Vegas. Trying to avoid moving there, as Vegas is the worst place on earth and makes my head want to explode.
Update2: Start date is August 24th. Still trying to get out of it. Head still wanting to explode.
Want to hire me? Check out my Hire Me [ http://venganza.org/hireme.htm ] page.
-----
2. Did you really send it to the Kansas School Board?
Yes, I did. If you'd like to show your support, you can find their contact information here [ http://www.ksde.org/commiss/bdaddr.html ]. Contact them and demand a response to my letter.
-----
3. Has the Kansas School Board replied?
Update - 6/25 - Received a reply from Mrs. Janet Waugh of District 1.
Update - 6/26 - Received a reply from Mrs. Sue Gamble of Distrct 2.
Check it out here [ http://venganza.org/response.htm (F6 note -- all 3 replies received to date from members of the Kansas School board below)].
-----
4. Are you an atheist/heathen/etc.?
I don't have a problem with religion. What I have a problem with is religion posing as science. Teach creationism in school, fine, but DON'T teach it in a science classroom. Science = the study of repeatable, observable, natural phenomena. Accepting a supernatural explanation is a cop-out. It's faith, NOT science.
Religious nuts: please stop emailing me about that. No I can't "repeat" evolution for you, so stop asking. But if you doubt the science that allows us to guess the age of the earth, then please stop using your computer, cell phones, and TV. The same methods of science that brought you those are the same methods we use for these evil evolution theories. Science is NOT truth, it's the search for truth, fact.
-----
5. You are making God angry.
I doubt it. If there's a god, and he's intelligent, then I would guess he has a sense of humor. And how do you know He is NOT a Flying Spaghetti Monster?
-----
6. Do you make money on the t-shirts?
Not alot. But someday I hope to run into some random person wearing a Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirt.
-----
7. Your graph is messed up.
No it's not. Time doesn't have to be on the X-axis. If you look, you'll see that the X-axis is "number of pirates". It is a graph of "global average temperature" (in celsius) Vs. "number of pirates". It's legit, and there is a statistical significance.
I SWEAR the graph is ok, really. I promise. I die a little everytime I get an email about this (well over 100 now). The numbers go 35,000 then 45,000 then 20,000 on purpose. See, there was a decline in the pirate population, but it rebounded slightly, and then declined again. Check your history books.
Also, I realize that there are several sports teams named the "pirates", and that there are millions of music/software "pirates". But *real* pirates use swords.
Ok.. here. The normal-looking graph you wanted, courtesy of Elizabeth [removed] PhD, a professor at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine (really). lookit [ http://venganza.org/pirate.pdf ] (.pdf format).
-----
8. Your grammar/spelling/etc is bad.
Yah.
-----
9. You're wrong. It's actually a linguini/mashed potato/dinosaur/elephant/whatever monster.
Maybe He just disguises Himself as those.
-----
10. Can I reprint your letter?
Yes, but please print the website address as well.
-----
11. Acceptible use of content.
In general, it is OK with me if you use the FSM images/content as long as they are in no way for profit. I.e., printing out FSM stickers for your own use would be OK, but selling them would not be. Giving them away would be fine in most cases.
====================
RESPONSES FROM THE KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD [ http://venganza.org/response.htm ]
-----
Response from Mrs. Janet Waugh - District 1 - Received 6/25/05
From: JWaugh1052@[xxxxxxx]
To: bobby.henderson@gmail.com
Date: Jun 25, 2005 6:34 AM
Subject: Response from a member of the Kansas Board of Education
Thanks for your comments about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and all the supporters who have sent their support to members of the Kansas Board of Education. I am supporting the recommendations of the science committee and am currently in the minority. I think your theory is wonderful and possibly some of the majority members will be willing to support it.
Thanks again,
Janet Waugh
District 1
-----
Response from Mrs. Sue Gamble - District 2 - Received 6/26/05
From: msgamble@[xxxxxxxxx]
To: bobby.henderson@gmail.com
Date: Jun 26, 2005 6:34 PM
Subject: Reply
Dear Mr. Henderson, Thanks for your message. Thanks for the laugh. Your web site is fascinating. I will add your theory to a long list of alternative theories I intend to introduce when it is appropriate. I am practicing how to do this with a straight face which is difficult since it's such a ridiculous subject; it is also very sad that we are even having the discussion.
I will be one of the four member minority who will be voting against the flawed science standards currently being proposed by the six member majority.
Sincerely, Sue Gamble
-----
Response from Mrs. Carol Rupe - District 8 - Received 8/16/05
From: Carol Rupe <crupe@[xxxxxxx]>
To: bobby.henderson@gmail.com
Date: Aug 16, 2005 8:19 AM
Subject: Kansas State Board of Education
Dear Mr. Henderson,
In the midst of the sad circumstances of having our science standards lowered, you and your legion of fellow FSM followers have offered wonderful comic relief. Rather than the form letters which we often receive on other topics, each FSM letter has been clever and unique. I responded to several at first, but now there have just been too many. I am a member of the Kansas State Board of Education and have voted repeatedly to maintain excellent science standards. Last week was the vote to send a new draft (written by the 6 conservative members) out for external review. The four of us on the board who are moderates were in the minority on the vote. The group of science teachers and university professors who had written the original standards (before they were changed) have now asked that their names be withdrawn from the document. The new version changes the very definition of science from "seeking natural explanations" to "seeking logical explanations". That is why I think FSMism is able to be included. It is as "logical" as any other theory.
The final vote on the standards will be in October. We will be in Lawrence, Kansas for that meeting. Those of us who are moderates on the board are trying to have the meeting in the Natural History Museum at the University of Kansas. We think that would be an appropriate setting for the occasion. We welcome you to be in attendance.
We have received thousands of emails from scientists around the world. At first, they all tried to explain good science to us. After the vote last week, however, they have resorted to calling us hillbillies and morons. And those are the nice letters!
Thank you for adding levity to this situation. You have developed quite a following. I was wondering if we could reverse the effects of global warming if we started breeding pirates.
Sincerely,
Carol Rupe
P.S. I ordered a Kansas Museum of Science t-shirt. I may just have to wear it to a board meeting.
====================
INTERESTING EMAILS I HAVE RECEIVED [F6 note -- many more collected emails available via the link at the end of this post]
Current favorite email:
Bobby,
Today I was blessed to receive a divine revelation from our Almighty
Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have the privilege of informing you that
it is His will that I become His Bride, in order that the Savior of
mankind (who is to be called Macaroni) may be born on this earth. The
FSM has revealed to me that your body is to be the vehicle by which
his holy seed shall be transmitted in earthly form.
To that end, I have reserved a room for us at the Best Western Airport
Inn, Boise, Idaho, for the evening of [removed]. I will be
the woman wearing the WWFSMD t-shirt and eye patch.
I look forward to meeting you and fulfilling the will of our noodly master.
Julie
Boise, Idaho
-----
Apparently there may be some problems with the mugs.
Dear Bobby,
I have recently purchased one of your coffee mugs, but it is giving me
no end of grief. Every time I put coffee, hot chocolate, or hot tea in
the mug, it instantly transubstantiates into what I assume is the blood
of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It sort of looks like marinara sauce,
but I'm afraid to taste it. Curiously, when I put wine into the mug,
it just turns into a nice, full-bodied chianti -- beer does the same
thing. Is there any act of sacrifice or ritual that I can perform to
stop these miracles from occurring? While I bask in His greatness and
I am truly awed by His power, I'm also kind of thirsty. Any advice
would be welcome.
Sebastian [xxxxxxxxx], Ph.D.
Austin.Texas
-----
New:
Bobby,
I am so glad the word has gotten out, and just in time, too. I am in my second trimester, and I was worried that when I gave birth to our Noodly Savior I would be shunned to the edges of society for giving birth to a fully-grown midgit in pirate regalia.
Yes, I have conceived the spirit of our Divine Lord, and immaculately, I might add. He came upon me while I was eating alone at The Olive Garden one evening this past winter--I was having a delicious meatball lasagna, I remember--and suddenly my eyes were filled with light, and the restaurant around me fell away, and there was nothing but His noodly appendage encircling me, caressing me. I cried out in ecstasy, and then I heard His voice in my ear, whispering to me, "In nine months time you shall give birth to a fully-grown midgit in pirate regalia, and He shall save the world from sin and hate and false notions about evolution and Creation."
I heard singing, and tomato sauce rained from the sky, and I saw angel hair pasta flying about with little farfalle wings and playing harps. It was beautiful. "You shall name Him....Prego...." said the Flying Spaghetti Monster, "and He shall bring in a new era of love and a worldwide following of Pastafarians willing to shed marinara sauce for what they believe."
And His noodly appendage left my trembling, sated body, and the singing faded, and I was once again in The Olive Garden, awaiting the birth of our Savior, Prego, who will deliver us from evil. I paid the check and went home and prayed all night to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. So fear not, Bobby! If Kansas refuses to include our religion in their science curriculum--imagine, survival of the fittest, ha! it is survival of the noodliest, any devout Pastafarian knows that--Prego shall smite those heathens and burn Kansas for all eternity. Ramen!
-Rebecca
====================
http://venganza.org/
Greensburg, KS - 5/4/07
"Eternal vigilance is the price of Liberty."
from John Philpot Curran, Speech
upon the Right of Election, 1790
F6
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