MOM'S SECRET ROOM

[ONEBGG]

Two world famous statisticians and a not so famous statistician were slowly wandering on the ancient land between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. All three were tired and their faces were aged and wrinkled from their long productive and exhaustive careers. Each wanted to show the others where the steel cache of his most celebrated work was buried in the sand. The first, R. A. Fisher located his marker and dug with trembling hands a six-foot hole and found his treasure...a reinforced heavy box containing sheet after sheet of journal studies using his Least Significant Difference (LSD) technique. All three smiled smugly and celebrated with muffled mumblings. The second, J. W. Tukey led the weary men about a mile further and spotted his marker. He dug furiously with every ounce of strength he could muster another six-foot hole. To no one's surprise, his prize box was uncovered with published paper after paper of results using his Honestly Significant Difference (HSD) method. All three again smiled smugly and celebrated with muffled mumblings. The group was now staggering in the sand and suffering severe thirst from the desert heat. However, the third statistician known only as Winsor, pleaded with the other two to go just a ways further. They reluctantly agreed and sure enough after a half mile, Winsor became elated and THOUGHT he spotted his marker. He began to slowly claw and toss the sand aside. After three hours he reached the six-foot depth ... but no cache. His mottled face was sweating from fatigue but he continued for another six feet...but alas, no cache. Winsor's body was now shaking violently from exhaustion but he insisted on going a final six feet (Eighteen feet in all). He pawed and flailed for six more hours and finally collapsed at the bottom ot the hole...but no hint of a cache. At the top of the hole Fisher and Tukey lay prostrate. They choked and sputtered obsenities for several minutes. Applications of the Winsorized Major Difference procedure were nowhere to be found!
The Lesson of This Story: NO WMD'S COULD BE FOUND....IT WAS ALL A MIRAGE!!!!

*I must admit to taking full responsibility for this unsettling tale. Isn't it strange that all the LSD's and HSD's were found but nary a WMD? Poor Winsor should have focused on his truncated distributions rather than attempt to produce WMD's!!