From the same scientist that gave us the study "Is a frog's ass water tight?" We have a new study of a common American cliché, Does a bear shit in the woods?
"My dad was always making these comments that made me wonder if there was any truth to their origins. I am pretty sure that most of them were his way of asking me, what do you think, dumb ass? But I can't help wondering where they came from."
After receiving a government grant from the Dept. of Poo Studies, our scientist began his extensive interviews with local bears.
From Smokey the Bear: "Shit is natural and perfectly biodegradable but, let's face it, no one wants to step in it. I carry a poop scoop with me when I go into the woods so I can flick it into the brush."
Fozzie Bear: "They built me without a rectum so I can't shit anywhere.I'm in a state of perpetual constipation."
Winnie-the-Pooh, "They call me pooh for a reason. I don't have to shit in the woods 'cause there's always room in my honey pot!"
Little Bear: "I can shit where ever I want as long as I'm wearing my nappies!" Rupert Bear: "Don't be impertinent! I am quite capable of finding and using the facilities. What a crude little man you are!"
Sugar Bear: "No shit, Sherlock, just sugar."
Panda Bear: "Things are pretty black and white for me. If you are in the woods, and you need to take a shit just do it."
So what did I learn from all my studies? One: some bears do and some bears don't and two: maybe my dad was right,I'm a dumb ass.