Derf's Grotto

[fung_derf]

Hey I kinda' liked this speech from General Hawley!....

Speech from the former ACC commander Gen Hawley:
(now retired and not restricted to being politically correct),

Since the Sept. 11th attack, I have seen, heard, and read thoughts of such surpassing
stupidity that they must be addressed. You've heard them too. Here they are:

1) "We're not good, they're not evil, everything is relative."
Listen carefully: We're good, they're evil, nothing is relative. Say it with me now
and free yourselves. You see, folks, saying "We're good" doesn't mean, "We're perfect."
Okay? The plain fact is that our country has, with all our mistakes and blunders, always
been and always will be, the greatest beacon of freedom, charity, opportunity, and affection
in history. If you need proof, open all the borders on Earth and see what happens. In about
half a day, the entire world would be a ghost town, and the United States would look like
one giant line to see "The Producers."

2) "Violence only leads to more violence."
This one is so stupid you usually have to be the president of an Ivy League
university to say it. Here's the truth, which you know in your heads and hearts already:
Ineffective, unfocused violence leads to more violence. Limp, panicky, half-measures lead
to more violence. However, complete, fully-thought-through, professional, well-executed
violence never leads to more violence because, you see, afterwards, the other guys are all
dead. That's right, dead. Not "on trial," not "reeducated," not "nurtured back into the
bosom of love." Dead. D-E-Well, you get the idea.

3) "The CIA and the rest of our intelligence community has failed us."
For 25 years we have chained our spies like dogs to a stake in the ground, and now
that the house has been robbed, we yell at them for not protecting us. Starting in the late
seventies, under Carter appointee Stansfield Turner, the giant brains who get these giant
ideas decided that the best way to gather international intelligence was to use spy satellites.
"After all," they reasoned, "you can see a license plate from 200 miles away." This is very
helpful if you've been attacked by a license plate. Unfortunately, we were attacked by
humans. Finding humans is not possible with satellites. You have to use other humans. When
we bought all our satellites, we fired all our humans, and here's the really stupid part. It
takes years, decades to infiltrate new humans into the worst places of the world. You can't
just have a guy who looks like Gary Busey in a Spring Break '93 sweatshirt plop himself
down in a coffee shop in Kabul and say "Hiya, boys. Gee, I sure would like to meet that
bin Laden fella." Well, you can, but all you'd be doing is giving the bad guys a story they'll
be telling for years.

4) "These people are poor and helpless, and that's why they're angry at us."
Uh-huh, and Jeffrey Dahmer's frozen head collection was just a desperate cry for
help. The terrorists and their backers are richer than Elton John and, ironically, a good
deal less annoying. The poor helpless people, you see, are the villagers they tortured and
murdered to stay in power. Mohamed Atta, one of the evil scumbags who steered those
planes into the killing grounds (I'm sorry, one of the "alleged hijackers," according to
CNN-they stopped using the word "terrorist," you know), is the son of a Cairo surgeon.
But you knew this, too. In the sixties and seventies, all the pinheads marching against the
war were upper-middle-class college kids who grabbed any cause they could think of to get
out of their final papers and spend more time drinking. At least, that was my excuse. It's
the same today. Take the Anti-Global-Warming (or is it World Trade? Oh-who-knows-what-
the-hell-they-want demonstrators) They all charged their black outfits and plane tickets on
dad's credit card(!) before driving to the airport in their SUV's.

5) "Any profiling is racial profiling."
Who's killing us here, the Norwegians? Just days after the attack, the New York
Times had an article saying dozens of extended members of the gazillionaire bin Laden
family living in America were afraid of reprisals and left in a huff, never to return to
studying at Harvard and using too much Drakkar. I'm crushed. I think we're all crushed.
Please come back. With a cherry on top? Why don't they just change their names, anyway?
It's happened in the past. Think about it. How many Adolfs do you run into these days?
Shortly after that, I remember watching TV with my jaw on the floor as a government
official actually said, "That little old grandmother from Sioux City could be carrying
something." Okay, how about this: No, she couldn't. It would never be the grandmother
from Sioux City. Is it even possible? What are the odds? Winning a hundred Powerball
lotteries in a row? A thousand? A million? And now a Secret Service guy has been tossed
off a plane and we're all supposed to cry about it because he's an Arab? Didn't it have the
tiniest bit to do with the fact that he filled out his forms incorrectly ---three times? And
then left an Arab history book on his seat as he strolled off the plane? And came back?
Armed? Let's please all stop singing "We Are the World" for a minute and think practically.
I don't want to be sitting on the floor in the back of a plane four seconds away from hitting
Mt. Rushmore and turn, grinning, to the guy next to me to say, "Well, at least we didn't
offend them."

SO HERE'S what I resolve for the New Year:

Never to forget our murdered brothers and sisters.
Never to let the relativists and revisionists get away with their immoral thinking.
After all, no matter what your daughter's idiot political science professor says,
we didn't start this.
Have you seen that bumper sticker that says, "No More Hiroshimas"?
I wish I had one that says, "You First. No More Pearl Harbors!"

Dick Hawley


Derf