Who does this remind you of...
Between you and I, grammar makes me nauseous
One of the advantages of being in the old fogy club is that we’re expected to fulminate against the modern age. Not only is it our right, it’s our responsibility to point out at every opportunity how things have degenerated since we were callow youths.
This week’s rant is about how what used to be termed Standard English has deteriorated. In the second (1962) edition of "The Perrin-Smith Handbook of Current English," Standard English is defined as "the English that is used by educated people in carrying on the affairs of business, science, literature, government – the effective language of public affairs in general."
The problem is that today’s educated people aren’t very good at grammar. Years ago I received correspondence from a man identifying himself as a "collage graduate." He ended his letter by demanding to know "how dam dom do you think I am?" I knew precisely how dam dom he was.
Regularly on TV and radio you hear people, often commentators and politicians, speak of something as "between you and I." These educated folks apparently were trained to believe that if a phrase sounds artificial and pretentious, it must be good English. Every time I hear "between you and I" alarms bells go off in my head. Not that that’s all bad. It’s a pleasant change from those darn voices usually chattering at me.
"Infer" is now often used interchangeably with "imply." There once was a considerable difference, with the speaker or writer implying and the listener or reader inferring.
One grammatical blunder particularly turns my stomach. When people claim that someone or something makes them nauseous, I want to soak them with industrial strength Pepto. The perpetrators may well be nauseous, which means disgusting. That has nothing to do, however, with the cause of their discomfort, which made them nauseated.
The battle between "fewer" and "less" has pretty much been decided. As you other fogies may recall, "fewer" applied to numbers while "less" applied to quantity. That’s no longer true, and the change may partially be attributable to advertising. There’s no shortage of tasty snacks that now boast "less calories." This may be a trend and one day the same items may claim they have "fewer fat." Then there are the ubiquitous "15 items or less" signs in checkout lanes.
We have folks who appraise their boss of a situation. Apprising would have been just as good. Medicine may affect our concentration, but for others it effects their concentration. Some places accept personal checks while other spots except them.
There must be a place that provides specialized training in grammar to waitresses. I mean waitpersons. Or perhaps servers. Invariably, they’ll approach a table and ask something along the lines of, "Are you guys ready to order?" It makes no difference how many females are in the party. Over and over, the word "guys" is used. Do you think the EEOC would send me some cash for bringing this rampant sexism to its attention?
Sloppy English may be a consequence of the do your own thing, make your own rules, don’t be judgmental mindset of the boomer generation. For decades now, questioning authority has been fashionable. Why be bound by silly old conventions?
Perhaps there’s no need to go to the extent of French Jesuit grammarian Dominique Bouhours. When his death was imminent (or is that eminent?), he said, "I am about to – or I am going to – die; either expression is used."
On the other hand, individuals are often judged by the way they speak and write. Thomas Mann observed: "Speech is civilization itself."
By the way (a tiresomely overused expression if I’ve ever heard of one), before readers jump all over me for my own grammatical transgressions, keep in mind that I shouldn’t be too stringently bound by rules of grammar. This is known as artistic license. Please keep the snickering here to a minimum.
Kindly note also that while I abhor poor English, I don’t pretend to be an expert. I ain’t that dom.
October 5, 2000
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