In Edit: following is the text version from Churak's link because WE CAN'T POST IN HTML (got the hint, mgmt?)
You mean this survey?
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V I S I T O R C O M M E N T C A R D
Vernal City Jail
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from michaelbluejay.com
Thank you for staying with us at the Vernal City Jail. Please take
a moment to fill out this visitor survey. Your comments will help
us to provide the best service possible to future inmates.
1. How would you rate your arresting officer on the following scale?
(Please check only one.)
o irritable o cruel
o unforgiving o relentless
o ill-tempered o unsportsmanlike
o abusive
2. Do you know the secret of why all the officers have mustaches?
o Yes o No
(Note: Answering YES will subject you to additional charges.)
3. I found the ink used to take my fingerprints to be:
o high-quality
o mysterious
o existential
o black
4. How would you rate your holding cell on:
Poor Fair Good Excellent
Cleanliness o o o o
Pleasing Smell o o o o
Decor o o o o
Color Scheme o o o o
Architectural
Creativity o o o o
Feng-Shui o o o o
5. I found the temperature in my cell to be:
o cold
o very cold
o very very cold
o testicle-numbing cold
a "For the love of God!"-type cold
o Arctic-like
o suitable for scientific investigation into Absolute Zero
6. I found my breakfast to be:
o gourmet-quality
o tasty
o nutritious, yet unimaginative
o cornflakes
7. Would being supplied with a clean blanket instead of one
reeking of foot odor improve your view of this facility?
o Yes o No
8. None of the following items are provided in visitors' cells
(as you learned during your visit here). At such time as the
State orders us to make improve ments, it will be helpful for us
to know which missing features our visitors want most. Please
check the ONE item below that you would MOST prefer to have in
your cell.
o soap for the toilet sink
o hand towel for same
o a mirror
o a wall clock
o an outside window so it would be possible to know whether
it was day or night
o a toothbrush
o a light switch, so that absolute control of the lights is not
in the hands of a maniacal jailer
o a pillow
o a sheet for bedding
o a Pentium IV-class workstation with 256 megabytes of random
access memory, a 16-gigabyte hard disk drive, and a T-1
Internet connection
9. I hope that the corrections officers I dealt with are:
o promoted for performing above & beyond the call of duty.
o indicted for corruption and incompetence.
10. Which of the following better describes your future plans?
o I hope to be incarcerated in this facility again the next time
I am arrested in this state.
o I plan to be arrested elsewhere because I was dissatisfied with
this facility.
11. I would recommend this facility to a friend.
o Yes o No ©1998 michaelbluejay.com
