God?

[Tatari Gami]

Friday, April 09, 2004

tonik's gide t'life on th'streets
(yea, i gots a new street name now. tha' means we're in a new city now. we're headin west. dun ask me t'be more spesifik.)


chapter 7 / traveling

this is, o'course, don much easyer if ye gots y'r own car. but sins th'majority o'homeless ppl don' gots on, or hapined t'leev their VIPER wi'a total stranger on th'other side of th'cuntry (ok, mebbe i'm th'only homeless kid who beened in tha' situashin) i will direkt this chapter at th'veikleless streetrats.

th'sekind best thing t'havein y'r own car is haveing sumone els. i aint gonna detale how t'hotwire a car f'r ye heer. if ye dun no how ye probly wudn' get away wi'it anyway. jus' remember not t'leev any finger prints an' t'abandon th' car n get a new one ev'ry cuple states or ye'll get screwed. also dun bother filling up gas. jus' dich th'car an' get a new one. this saves lotsa cash, n also avoids th'chance of getting ye an' th'stoled car recognized by sum gas stashin person. ye dun wants tha'. if its jus' transportashin ye wants take sumthin common an' unobtrusive.

aiite, so if ye gots sumthin aginst boostin cars, but ye still wants t'ride on sumone els's weels, ther's allus hichhiking. as a genral rule i'd advise grand theft auto o'er hichhiking. its less dangerous. most undangerus ppl wi'any sense won't pick up hichhikers. but if y'r gonna be a moron an' do it anyway, heer is advise (comeing frum sumone who has ridden wi' ALMOST as meny complete strangers as i sleeped with ^_~):

*allus, allus, allus be armed. well. this, o'course, is about rule #1 of street life in genral anyhow but mos'espeshily wen gettin into cars wi'ppl ye dun no. this is one o'th'only times tho i'd say take knives o'er guns; in close spaces they're better an' less likely t'get u kilt (only probly seryusly maimed ^_~) in a struggle.

*dun try t'look like sum nice kid sumone wudn' mind givein a ride to. this mite get ye a ride kwiker, but s'also likelyer t'get ye a ride wi'sumone who sees ye as a nice kid tha'd be easy t'rape an' disembowel.

*truckers have a tuff rep but on th'roads they gots a desint code of honor. asides, truckers carrying a shipment gots a deadline t'keep so they're less likely t'take time out t'do all tha' rapeing an' murderin crap.

so now offa cars. n onto buses! th'cheapest way t'travel if ye gots ishues wi'steeling an'riskin bloody roadside death. cheapest, tho, still aint FREE, wich is allus how i likes t'do things. if y'r one o'those migratry homeless kids tha' moves back n forth between two or three citys dependin on th'seasin, make frends wi'bus drivers on routes between th'places ye wants t'go. sumtimes if they gots space they'll give ye a lift - s'like hichhiking only minus th'risk. tho, if the bus fills up afore ye get wer y'r goin ye get throwed out in favor of th'paying customers, but tha's life.

if ye dun gots time t'butter up th'bus drivers n y'r jus' a vagrant tha' goes wiche'er way th'winds blowin, ye'll probly be stuck payin. but if y'r a good actor make up a convinceing sob story about why ye desprately need t'get t'wiche'er city y'r headin to, then work on other travelers at th'bus depo. a cuple times ive gotted ppl t'buy my hole ticket f'r me

ons upon a time i wud of included a bit in heer about sneeking ont' airplanes, but since 9/11 fuck tha' shit. dun e'en bother. if ye wants t'fly y'r gonna hafta pay. n if ye pay cash or buy one way tickets they ALLUS fuckin serch ye now. s'still farely eesy t'get wepons on bord but i wudn advise tryin. s'a shitlod of more dangerus than tryin t'jack cars e'en.

so there's that.

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