Redneck Haiku
by David Burge, the IowaHawk, the long-time humor columnist for Conservative News Service.
BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps
REMORSE
A painful sadness
Can't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door
OPTIONS
Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability
MOTHER AND CHILD
Crusted in boogers,
Stained with Kool-Aid, baby has face
Only Mama loves
BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again
A NEW MOON
Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs
EXUBERANCE
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil
ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order
DESIRE
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
That you are my cousin
HATRED
I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
Gall dern Jeff Gordon
OFFERINGS
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Robert Tilton
DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
At 9 O'Clock
DEPRIVED
In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants wrestling doll
Mama whups his ass
NO SIGNAL
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
needs new descrambler
IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino
GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man
PRIDE
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed
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