Auri Inc (AURI)

[IL Padrino]

Here you go Smokin, thought you'd like this:

Diary of a Snow Shoveler
> > Date: Sun, 26 Dec 2004 06:34:45 -0500
> >
> > > The Diary of a Snow Shoveler
> > >
> > > December 8 - 6:00 PM.
> > > It started to snow. The first snow of the season
> > and the wife and I
> > > took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
> > watching the huge soft
> > > flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
> > Grandma Moses Print. So
> > > romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
> > snow!
> > >
> > > December 9
> > > We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
> > snow covering every
> > > inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
> > there be a more lovely
> > > place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best
> > idea I've ever had.
> > > Shoveled for the first t ime! in years and felt like
> > a boy again. I did both
> > > our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
> > snowplow came along and
> > > covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
> > driveway, so I got to shovel
> > > again. I waved to the driver as he went by, He
> > waved back. What a perfect
> > > life!
> > >
> > > December 12
> > > The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
> > disappointment My
> > > neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely
> > have a white Christmas No
> > > snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
> > have so much snow by the
> > > end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
> > again. I don't think
> > that's
> > > possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's
> > our neighbor.
> > >
>! > > December 14
> > > Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
> > dropped to -20. The
> > > cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
> > breath away, but I
> > warmed
> > > up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This
> > is the life! The snowplow
> > > came back this afternoon and buried everything
> > again. I didn't realize I
> > > would have to do quite this much shoveling, but
> > I'll certainly get back in
> > > shape this way.
> > >
> > > December 15
> > > 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
> > Blazer. Bought snow
> > > tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
> > Stocked the freezer. The
> > wife
> > > wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes
> > out. I think that's silly.
> > > We a ren! 't in Alaska, after all.
> > >
> > > December 16
> > > Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice
> > in the driveway
> > > putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife
> > laughed for an hour, which I
> > > think was very cruel.
> > >
> > > December 17
> > > Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
> > anywhere. Electricity
> > > was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on
> > to stay warm. Nothing
> > to
> > > do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate
> > her. Guess I should've
> > > bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
> > God I hate it when she's
> > > right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in
> > my own living room.
> > >
> > > December 20
> > > Electricity's back on, but had! another 14" of the
> > damn stuff last
> > > night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow
> > came by twice. Tried to
> > > find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
> > they're too busy playing
> > > hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
> > hardware store around to
> > see
> > > about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might
> > have another shipment in
> > > March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
> > shovel or the city will
> > > have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
> > >
> > > December 22
> > > Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
> > more inches of the
> > > white crap fell today, and it's so cold it
> > probably won't melt till
> > August.
> > > Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out
&g! t; ; > to shovel and then I
> > had
> > > to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and
> > dressed again, I was too
> > > tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow
> > on his truck for the
> > rest
> > > of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think
> > the jerk is lying.
> > >
> > > December 23
> > > Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The
> > wife wanted me to
> > > decorate the front of the house this morning. What
> > is she nuts!!! Why
> > > didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
> > says she did but I think
> > > she's lying.
> > >
> > > December 24
> > > 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the
> > shovel. Thought I was
> > > having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of
> > a bitch who ! d rives that
> > > snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by
> > his----- and beat him to death
> > > with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the
> > corner and waits for me
> > to
> > > finish shoveling and then he comes down the street
> > at a 100 miles an hour
> > > and throws snow all over where I've just been!
> > Tonight the wife wanted me
> > to
> > > sing Christmas carols with her and open our
> > presents, but I was too busy
> > > watching for the damn snowplow.
> > >
> > > December 25
> > > Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the
> > damn slop tonight.
> > > Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood
> > boil. I hate the snow!
> > Then
> > > the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
> > and I hit him over the
&g! t; ; > > head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
> > attitude. I think she's a
> > > fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A
> > Wondeful Life" one more time,
> > I'm
> > > going to stuff her into the microwave.
> > >
> > > December 26
> > > Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move
> > here? It was all HER
> > > idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
> > >
> > > December 27
> > > Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze,
> > plumber came after 14
> > > hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400
> > to replace all my
> > pipes.
> > >
> > > December 28
> > > Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE BITCH
> > is driving me
> > > crazy!!!
> > >
> > > December 29
> > > 10 mor! e inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof
> > or it could cave in.
> > > That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb
> > does he think I am?
> > >
> > > December 30
> > > Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he
> > is now suing me for a
> > > million dollars not only for the beating I gave
> > him but also for trying to
> > > shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife
> > went home to her mother.
> > > 9" predicted.
> > >
> > > December 31
> > > I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
> > shoveling.
> > >
> > > January 8
> > > Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
> > they keep giving me.
> > > Why am I tied to the bed?