Collegiate Sports

[NLionGuy]

Hi Colt,

Thanks for the welcome & welcome back to you.

From a local sportswriter - please don't shoot the messenger: <g>

Perfect 10: reasons to watch the greatest sport in the world?
Wednesday, September 04, 2002

By Dan Gigler, Post-Gazette Sports Writer

We have more meaning in our lives now. We did not get married, we did not get a puppy. We did not find religion, nor did we find Viagra. What we did is gorge on every moment of the first full Saturday of the college football season, like a starving man at the Grand Concourse buffet. Somewhere between the fun of "Animal House" and the Americana of a Norman Rockwell painting, college football offers the best of sports and life, bar none.

So ... School fight song CD? Check. Remote? Check. Pizza? Check. Couch we will spend the next 12 Saturdays imprinting our rear end on? Check.

The Perfect 10 reasons to watch the greatest sport in the world? Check.

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No. 10: Rod Rutherford
The Dan Marino/Michael Vick hybrid-enigma-savior whom Pitt fans have waited for since he was on the Perry JV team made his debut Saturday night. Will he lead the Oakland faithful back to national prominence? Stay tuned.

No. 9: New coaches
Ty Willingham takes over a Notre Dame squad that needs more rebuilding than the Catholic Church, but so far so good for the Irish. Meanwhile, Ron Zook takes over for Dr. Evil down in the Swamp. He used to coach dem Stiller special teams, which are el sucko lately. If Zook can assume the reins at one of the most scrutinized programs in the country, why'd we ever let him go?

No. 8: SEC cheerleaders
A Perfect 10 in and of themselves. The farmer's daughters in the 'Girls of the Big 12' issue of a certain rabbit-eared magazine -- purchased for the articles -- aren't too shabby either.

No. 7: Chris Simms
How easy (and fun) is it to hate this blond brat? His dad was a Super Bowl-winning QB. He got to hang with LT when he was a kid. He's had everything handed to him. He's from New Jersey. He screwed Major Applewhite out of a job and has choked more than the Hillside Stranglers in big games.

No. 6: I Tappa Kegga
Wheat-, barley- and hops-based beverages will be consumed in ridiculous quantities after the game. So, if State Tech U. loses, you know you'll still have an absolute blast back at the house playing beer pong all night, getting dissed by a Tri-Delt sister, and you'll end up screaming the lyrics to "Paradise City" at the top of your lungs at 5 a.m. with your other unlucky brothers.

No. 5: Black College Bands
Forget that annoying "Go Blue" song Michigan's slice-of-whitebread ensemble trots out a hundred times a game. At tiny places like Grambling and Southern, John Phillip Sousa meets James Brown in the most funkalicious halftime shows around. Not to mention that black schools have turned out gridiron warriors such as Walter Payton, Jerry Rice, Mel Blount and Art Shell, to name just a few.

No. 4: BCS
More plot lines than "Days of Our Lives," more shady dealings than an Arthur Andersen board meeting. But, we cracked the fuzzy math formula: BCS -- the "C" = how a very pedestrian Nebraska team plays for last year's title. In other words, Total BS. See also: Trophy, Heisman; which, like the Oscars, rarely ends up in the hands of the person who deserves it.

No. 3: Tailgating
Reason number 582 why Pitt will always be inferior to Penn State: A convoy of RVs stretching from the IM building to the cow pastures, and 106,000 strong playing touch football, blasting fight songs, grilling kabobs and brats, roasting pigs, and sucking down Rolling Rocks. Pitt tailgaters have a Giant Eagle hoagie ring and have to fend off the crackheads who live under the Veterans Bridge.

No. 2: Pure hatred
What does the "N" on Nebraska's helmet stand for? "Knowledge" ... How do you get a Florida State alum off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza ... My two favorite teams are Virginia Tech and whoever's playing UVA ... If you put all the attendees at an Auburn reunion together, what do you get? A full set of teeth.

No. 1: Tradition
The 12th man. Blue shirts, white pants, no helmet logo, no names. Touchdown Jesus. Boomer Sooner! The Civil War. Hail to Pitt! Beano. Running the option. Script Ohio. Drum major flip. Rubbing the rock in Death Valley. Ralphie the Buffalo. Roll Tide Roll! Uga. Division III kids playing their hearts out. Army-Navy. Lehigh-Lafayette. The Little Brown Jug. Big uglies ...