Iraq would become America's 51st state
WASHINGTON (AP) - It was announced today that Iraq would become America's 51st state edging out Puerto Rico in a closely fought contest.
Since the ouster of the dictator Sadam Hussein, who is rumored to be vacationing with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the Hilton Hotel in the Black Sea resort region of Russia, the US Congress has had a sudden change of heart over the unilateral action taken by President Bush in the Middle East.
This happened while the President's approval ratings in a new CNN/Time magazine opinion poll went over 100% for the first time to set an all time record for a sitting President.
Sadam, on the other hand, is said to be considering an offer to replace Phil Donahue on MSNBC as a talk show host. It is also said that he may run for "President For Life" in Saudi Arabia.
"Since the value of the oil we now own in Iraq far exceeds the value of all of Puerto Rico, this was a 'no brainer'. And besides, now we don't have to learn how to speak Spanish." said one senior Republican Senator (from Texas) on the condition of anonymity.
"Yes, the oil is important," said the President with a tear in his eye, "but, most important are the three million new registered Republican voters in Baghdad alone. These people were just so damn grateful to be liberated from Sadam that they went right to the Military Police directing traffic in their beautiful city to see where they might sign up to cast their vote in 2004."
It is also rumored that the President will appoint former Vice President Dan Quayle as the interim Governor of the new state. Since Quayle now lives in Phoenix, AZ, the President felt he would be perfect for the new desert state since he was already used to the dry heat.
In a related story, President Bush will be leaving tomorrow morning on Air Force One for Baghdad. He claims that in addition to being able to fill the gas tanks on "that big sucker" for roughly $3.80 while he's there, he would also hold his first Iraqi fund raiser in the Grand Ballroom of the new Marriott Baghdad Hotel, formerly known as the Iraqi Presidential Palace.
He is expected to raise $4.5 Billion in re-election campaign contributions over the weekend.
The President returns to the White House on Monday.
If you don't have the time to do something right, where are you going to find the time to fix it?
-Stephen King
