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Fight for Cultural Equality: UN Okays Cannibalism, Slavery


The Intergovernmental Cultural Climate Change Panel (ICCCP) declared its support for the recent UN announcement that all cultures are equally valid. Expanding on the resolution the group declared the rights of people are now culturally defined, rather than being based on any universal notion or concept. They suggest the term "human rights" is therefore both outmoded and racist as it would impose value for human life which some cultures don't accept. They recommended the term "multi-cultural peoples' rights" be used instead.

"We take the announcement to mean our practices of torture, vendetta, and suppression of women and minorities dating back centuries have now been recognized as just different cultures different ways of doing things differently," said ICCCP spokesman Moussa Stache. "This measure will finally legitimize the long-sought revival of some of our members' traditional practices of cannibalism, slavery, head-hunting, and human sacrifice. Every society has rights to human rites."
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After the announcement there was hand shaking and gift giving all around the chamber until it was pointed out this principle could be taken as validating Jewish culture as well. The members hurriedly reconvened, working around the clock for a work-around. The following day the panel declared Zionism a criminal conspiracy and not culture as recognized by the UN. As such, Judaism and Jews are to be reclassified as sub-UN.

Explained Moussa Stache, "There are no inferior cultures, but there are inferior people."
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