Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science Discovered
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now
identified with certainty the heaviest element known to science.
The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless,
it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it
comes into contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction
that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4
years to complete.
Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but
instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will
promote many morons to become isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element
that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.
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