After Election Carnival Cruise
We at Carnival Cruise Lines are not forgetting that a lot of entertainers promised to leave the country if George W.Bush were to be reelected President.
With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who still want to keep their promise!
Attention: Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell and her "wife", Ed Asner, Janneane Garafalo, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore, Cher, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner(apparently still a "meathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, and the entire staffs of the LA and NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan.
You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq or some similar sunny location.
The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.
Please pack for an extended stay... at least FOUR MORE YEARS.
Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.
Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, John Edwards as cruise director, and Gray Davis, as Purser (the guy in charge of managing the money). "Teh-RAY-sah" Heinz Kerry hopefully will be shoved somewhere below decks away from the media.
Monica Lewinsky will be the "Cigar and Cigarette Girl". Entertainment will be provided by the Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen, and movies will be shown each evening by Michael Moore.
John Kerry will be our Life Guard based on his past experience of pulling people out of the water. He is also in charge of games and has eliminated "shuffleboard" in favor of his new game he calls "waffleboard". Be sure to pack your flip flops as you will need them while playing.
Ted Kennedy will double as Bartender and back-up Life Guard. He only qualifies as back-up Life Guard since his experience in rescuing people from drowning has not been too successful.
Revs. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will provide inspirational services, and Al Franken will give inspirational talks each afternoon.
If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please contact Senator Hillary Clinton. Her "village" can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.
"Bon Voyage!"
Is this a great country or what? It's called Freedom of Speech.
