16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry
> > >
> > > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
> > > on the same night.
> > >
> > > 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
> > > has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
> > > would be "meetings."
> > >
> > > 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
> > >
> > > 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
> > > want you to share yours with them.
> > >
> > > 5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
> > >
> > > 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
> > >
> > > 7. Never lick a steak knife.
> > >
> > > 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
> > >
> > > 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
> > > reason why we observe daylight savings time.
> > >
> > > 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
> > > that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
> > > from her at that moment.
> > >
> > > 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
> > > make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
> > >
> > > 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
> > > gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
> > > deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
> > >
> > > 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
> > > person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
> > >
> > > 14. Your friends love you anyway.
> > >
> > > 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
> > > built the Ark. It was a large group of professionals who built the
> > > Titanic.
> > >
> > > 16 FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out
> > > as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until
> > > they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
They deserve every bit they can get!!!!!!!!!