Some Proposed New Rules For Miss America Pageant.
1. If there's a tie, make 'em wrestle for it. If that doesn't work, the lowest SAT scores win.
2. Along with "Miss Congeniality", give out "Biggest B!tch" award.
3. Sleeping with the judges (male AND female) is mandatory, and they will be graded. After all, it's supposed to be MY Miss America. Plus it'll bring in celebrity judges like Melissa and Ellen.
3. Talent competetion must consist of a talent that people would actually PAY to see.
4. Any women who says her goal is "world peace" is automatically eliminated.
5. A competition would be held to see who can actually eat like a normal human being.
6. Anyone suspected of using padding of any kind would be subject to a body cavity search performed by inmates from a nearby correctional facility.
7. Women are forced to drink a half-dozen sodas, and a dozen cups of coffee, and then are asked to summarize their political and religious philosophies before being allowed to go to the bathroom.
8. The pageant commitee will establish a program designed to integrate the losers back into normal society.
I'm just riffin' here folks, I haven't seen that pageant in 30 years. Anybody else got any ideas?
