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[iOwnSomeNVEI]

>JOB APPLICATION
>
>NAME: John Kerry
>
>RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington DC, worth multi-millions.
>
>EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. I voted to cut every law
>enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my career as a US Senator. I ordered
>Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby
>endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.
>
>MILITARY: I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the
>military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor).
>I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and
>insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and
>were baby killers. I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in
>protest.
>Or did I? My book; Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows
> how I truly feel about the military.
>
>COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
> counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get
>admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.BA
>
>PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever
>since. I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and
>running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.
>
>ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a US Senator I set the record for the most liberal
>voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have
>consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against
>budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself.
>Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to
>admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of
>legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to
>raise taxes significantly if I am elected.
>
>My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will
>never catch up. I make no or little charitable contributions and have
>never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family
>wealth in excess of $ 700 million.
>
>I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places[
>like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper
>cost of labor in those Countries, although I Blame George Bush for sending
> all of the jobs out of Country.
>
>Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy
>and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might
>spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
>
>RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None.
>
>PERSONAL: I ride a Serotta Bike.
>
>My Gulfstream V Jet I call The Flying Squirrel.
>
>I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckleytwin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".
>
>I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real
>culture.
>
> I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
>mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and I
>blame George Bush for the energy problems.
>
>PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.