Pezman --
Dear Sir:
This is to advise you that your complaint has been received, duly noted and filed with our department, along with 4,236,791 similar letters and e-mails received by us during the past seven days from other disgruntled stock-market traders and investors.
Rest assured that we are doing everything in our power to turn the market around, but a large degree of patience is sometimes required in these matters. While such endeavors of ours to return the market to an upward-sloping trajectory can be frustratingly ineffective for short periods of time due to economic and other factors beyond our control, please note that our long-term record in this regard has been exemplary.
In the meantime, regarding your particular stock's "pitiful" price action, we would merely point out once more for your consideration that past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.
Thank you for your continued interest in, and sponsorship of, the U.S. stock market.
Yours Truly,
Stock Market Complaint Department
P.S. -- Should you ever decide to IPO your PEZ-dispenser collection, please contact our Underwriting Department.
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