Well, if we don't it is only because we don't wanta be arrested for killing you with pleasure! So it is probably in your best interest not to have us all show up and show you our um...hm....jewelry.
Okay, I'll 'fess up. Ever since I heard they did this, I've been working on a personal secret project, for which -- until this awesome moment -- the world has not yet been prepared. I have invented a new type of brassiere, to be named The Tittie-Twister, designed to be worn by women who have had their 'girls' ...um...deflowered, as 'twere. Each incorporates a small, radio-controlled electromagnetic coil in the tip. This induces a gentle but irresistible alternating back-and-forth twisting motion in small, soft-iron bars inserted in the nipples.
Just imagine, all you glass-ceiling-bumping businesswomen out there! No more boring business meetings with some clueless chump droning on; just reach into your purse, set the remote control to either 'Louise', 'Roberta', or 'Twisted Sisters', set your cellphone to 'vibrate' and slide it surreptitiously down your Victoria's Secret lingerie, set it to auto-dial your own number, and soon, nothing will ever seem quite so boring again.
Ah, well. A true genius is almost never appreciated in his own time.
Oh my God, how can you do that?? Geeze..y'all got gumption, they'd have to keep me knocked out till they healed up! Rings in my ta tas?? NO way Jose!! Yikes!!
Frankly, I'm still not convinced they're just tryin' to give Cap a fatal attack of vapors!
