The Jailhouse

[thepennyking]

The Penny King's Blog, Wednesday June 16th, 2004 5:35 AM

It feels great to be back on line and communicating with my growing national audience who keeps saving more pennies each day. This last week we launched the biggest fund razer that might go down in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most pennies raised by any single organization in the shortest possible time in the history of the planet.

We are out to round up the remaining 80 billion pennies still in circulation.

Thanks for the book refs from Jurisper, however, as many of you migh already know I am in the middle of about 20 books right now and don't really have time to take on any more.

My blogs should give you an idea of what I am going through lately, but at the least I am a free man, both from a social standpoint as well as a marriage standpoint.

I do appreciate hearing from all of you both your positive and negative comments on my writing style, my talents as well as the content.

In recent telephone conversations with MTV pre-Production Execs, MTV has asked for a ten minute dvd production covering the prelude to the making of the Penny King.

Lately TPK has has been buying pennies from a few select volunteers at a community we are building for a dollar each and they in turn have been scarfing up all the pennies they can get their hands on and paying a nickel for them from half their profits. Some are calling it the greatest reverse ponzi scheme in the history of global finance.

Point being one doesn't have to buy up all the pennies in any given city in order to start the process snowballing once again in the second wave across the nation and even stretching the value of the Canadian penny.

Wheat penny prices have already skyrocketed and those shiny mint conditioned steel pennies could fetch as much as ten bucks in the not too distant future!

Some people are making astronomical consistent returns of between 500% and 10,000% on their pennies, a rate of return even the worlds best money managers on every financial corner in every financial capital of the world couldn't figure out how to generate. And there are still rumors circulating along urban legend web sites that there is the rarest penny still floating out in circulation some where that is worth a million dollars.

We won't tell you which one it is, but some of the State run Lotteries are getting their undies up in a bunch because the gamblers are going for the steady potential returns from saving their pennies as opposed to the risks associated with pissing their money away in an electronic poker machine.

Some say that the entire State of Nevada and its heavily weighted bets on the gambling business are about to get raked over the coals by an army of penny pinchers set to invade Las Vegas and Reno some time after the 4th of July, all led by their fearless Penny King whose whereabouts have been rumored to stretch from Saint Kitts, where he is rumored to be planning on refinancing the entire nations $500 million in high interest debt with a zero interest coupon rate and jamming it down the throat of the World Bank and the IMF, to as far away as Moscow, where he is said to be advising the old communist lines that they must start importing US pennies if they are to maintain any sort of equilibrium in the exchange value of the Ruble.

"A ruble wouldn't be worth a penny if a penny wasn't worth a ruble," so decreed TPK just last weekend while at a Summit for the Roses, an annual event that draws over 500,000 people from around the country to celebrate the beginning of summer in the Pacific Northwest.

The other recent good news is KBOO radio is going to start announcing auditions for 1,000 extras who will appear in the vid when its shot and we have already rousted up on any given Sunday about 700 homeless people who are gathering pennies for the day that he shows up in front of the Fed Res Bldg and buys up their pennies for whatever he decides on that fateful day.

It could be the trade heard around the world ----Penny King buys one million pennies from thousands of homeless for a million dollars, homeless are shocked and awed at the power of saving their pennies.

The other day in fact, one person showed up in front of a local federal reserve bank building who had been asking for spare change in other parts of his city and stood in front of the building for several hours with a sign that read "Throw Change at Me!" which TPK thought was quite original of him.

He was waiting for the Penny King to show up to buy his pennies for a nickel each and he had over three hundred of them weighing him down as he had managed to scarf them together in a matter of a few days after hearing about TPK being back in town.. But alas, unfortunately the Penny King was tied up in preproduction meetings and shuttling people around various locations in the city setting up angles and shots for the pending shoot.

After his failure to appear before the man who was told by others that TPK would show there to buy up pennies for a buck apiece when a thousand strong were assembled, but who was willing to sell all his pennies for a nickel apiece, and who waited for over five hours and trekked several miles through the city to get to the front of the building, the man gave up thereby selling the whole idea short, TPK put out an all points bulletin to the local crew and volunteer teams to track the man down so he could at least buy 15 of his pennies for a dollar each for his valiant patient effort and for not throwing the pennies in a rage at the front door of the building violating a city littering ordinance.

It is against most city ordinances in this nation to throw pennies back at the front doors of the Federal Reserve Buildings in each respective jurisdiction.

Props are underway and logistical support is expanding at a rapid clip. An army of shopping cart pushers and skaters is being delegated the duty of engaging in civil disobedience by blocking off various sections of each city where a Federal Res building is situated.

This is starting to drive the FBI and Homeland Security Agents a little batty because they don't know when TPK will give the signal to advance and begin the march on the Fed. Apparently the Fed owns over 600 buildings around the nation, many of which are simply satelite or branch offices.

The MTV new reality show will be titled "What is your obsession?" and the Penny King has been obsessed with pennies since he was twelve years old in 1967 during the riots in Detroit when he used to rob banks for a living only to later become one of the top mortgage bankers in the Pacific Northwest during the late 1980's.

To find out how he became the youngest bank robber in the history of America and who never even remotely got got close to being caught, and what it had to do with pennies will require you to watch the vid clips on MTV if and when they pick it up for syndication.

Proceeds from the sales and promotion of the up and coming feature film are all being allocated to buy up more pennies at prices between a nickel and a dollar depending on what level your volunteerism is being applied.

So far no corporate sponsers have been willing to pony up to the table to help fund some of the expenses but officials close to the situation have said that a very large property owner is in talks with TPK to put up enough capital to launch the Meals for a Penny Program through various locations throughout various cities across the country.

The program will sell breakfast, lunch and dinner to anyone who shows up for a penny, and during those meals you will have to listen and watch video clips of TPK talk about Freenomics while you eat.

A sort of usurpation of the methods practiced by the likes of the Union Gospel Mission network and various other "faith based initiatives" that have not solved the poverty or houseless situation for millions of Americans for the past fifty years, and is unlikely to solve it in the next fifty.

Tests are done at the end of the week and by Monday graduates are hitting the pavement, garnishing the pennies from any unaware passerby who hasn't yet heard about the rapidly escalating national penny shortage which last reared its ugly head in 1999 according to press reports from that all but bygone era.

Those who don't throw up from the rigors of a thorough freenomic education are allowed to graduate and become part of the growing and rapidly expanding army of volunteers hell bent on bringing down the global military industrial financial media complex without war, without bloodshed, without a single shot being fired even into the air as any kind of sudden warning of what is preeminently being called by some very savvy experts the greatest pending financial coup in the history of global finance.

The question remains, will TPK pull it off? Will he reach his goal of becoming the worlds first trillionaire before his death and can he top Soros all to hell by making a profit of $1 trillion dollars in less than one week after almost a decade of organizing and planning?

Getting crowned TPK is sort of a misnomer because no crowns were involved. It was much simpler than that and how he got his name is published elsewhere on the net, but in case you didn't catch it, someone who had heard he was buying pennies for a nickel from everyone he could on the streets of Portland in 1995 dubbed him "The Penny King" after showing up with a whole napsack full of pennies. The man had been hunting for him for three weeks and finally found him not far from the Fed building.

Lately he has been appointing Lords, Ladies and Counts who sell him pennies for a dollar each with the understanding that half their gain is to be used to buy pennies from others on the streets of Americ's cities for a nickel each, thus keeping the reverse supply lines going.

Some of the Penny King's bankers are said to be burying the pennies in various strategic locations around the country pending an order from TPK to dip them in solid gold and then sell them as collectors items with his initials stamped upon them for between five and ten dollars to people who are still wondering what is going on with our money system.

A gold backed penny is an interesting concept indeed to those who understand the mechanics of the laws of supply and demand. This might turn out to be greater, better and bigger than the entire pet rock industry, although TPK does advocate using rocks and sand from the nations beaches as currency if the bleeding becomes too severe and a fixed medium of exchange needs to be stabilized under the auspices of the new government coming into power come January 2005.

There is a tremendous amount of trust given when one is honored by TPK through his gifts of abundance and infinite persuasion to go forth and use half that 99 cent gain to buy more pennies at a nickel a pop.
Many people are now scrambling to find him so they too can sell their pennies for a dollar a pop but these same scramblers don't really have any clue what is going on and why.

"Chasing dollars is a sure way to permanently lose money, one is better off saving every penny that touches one's hand. In the end, the bankers will be forced to buy back all the pennies so as to make justice of the mess of economics which they have foisted upon the world", said TPK in a recent speech to a crowd of passersby at a suburban shopping mall.
Most people just glanced at him and walked on by, but a few here and there have been beginning to see the light on the horizon and were already packing their empty penny rolls into their napsacks ready for their trek to the streets for the penny gathering, where 50,000 people are expected to show up to hear him speak at Mount Shasta, which he is dubbing the upcoming "Sermon on the Mount Shafta".

What is the ultimate alterior motive in all this penny flipping money changing? Its very simple...he wants to drive the penny's value to a dollar and fix it there, demand that the government stop printing and minting all forms of coinage and currency until the dollar is at its original value of $1.00 purchasing power on par with its value circa 1904.

In the meantime, TPK is all for digital money, debit cards, and doing away with all forms of interest bearing credit including those accruing or being negatively amortized on our homes - a bill that has mushroomed to $7 trillion dollars on 90 million American's homes in less than the past 24 months.
Half of all Americans surveyed are struggling with their monthly mortgage payments since the refinance boom came to a screeching halt just a few months ago, and the international economy is being swayed by microeconomics applied at the macro level by TPK and his ever multiplying cast of coinage characters.

One survey in a large metropolitan city conducted by members of the Free and Clear Press Corps found that 25 out of 25 people consequetively surveyed not had not heard about the national penny shortage but also did not have a penny in their pocket.

It's as if somehow this Penny King fellow has magically stolen, right out of their pockets and under thier very noses, their every last penny, and when they finally look for a penny because they are asked if they have heard about the penny shortage, they are amazed and even completely dumbfounded that they cannot afford to give a penny to a houseless person who is asking their fellow human being for charitable relief of their fixed conditions created by the government for the government of the government.

They just didn't have the pennies to give, even though the US Mint has been working overtime for the past five years to keep up with the huge increases in demands for pennies, punching out 65% of all coinage in the form of Lincoln Head Cents which is nothing short of ironic, paradoxical and outright infinitely cosmic to some who can understand what is being written between the lines.

So how does he keep this reverse ponzi schemed weapon of mass construction going and how does he afford to buy literally hundreds of pennies every week from his closest most trusted allies for a dollar each?

Read "The Greatest Salesman in the World" by Og Mandino and you might find the answers there. Or try the "Richest Man in Babylon" by George Clason. Or some even suggest "How to Be Rich" by J. Paul Getty, the long dead prime benefactor of the new $5 Billion Getty Museum in California.

The Penny King lays claim to all the titles and labels above by the oft repeated decrees of his growing mass of supporters whose last count exceeded over 250,000 around the country.
The US Government is watching what he does like a hawk because his army of volunteers is greater than the number of U.S. forces stationed outside the country, putting the nation at a very severe national security risk.

Anything could happen any day now. Even the currency markets, oil markets are starting to respond to this national underground putszch that has all the popular support of a national revolution of homeless, jobless and old retired folks who are really sick and tired of the money system taking advantage of the masses at the expense of every individual in the country whose lineal familial purchasing power over the past 100 years has declined in value by over 10,000%.
"All we are doing is reversing the process gradually instituted by the government and the Federal Reserve and sending the value of the dollar soaring.", said TPK who is still organizing a campaign to bring the 12 Richest people on the planet to a secret conference a la Jekyl Island for the purpose of getting them to kick in $8.8 billion dollars for a global hedge fund that will use a very large penny pinching punching bag as a storage unit for its phenomenal investment strategies.

His advice to Soros, Buffet, Gates, Allen and Turner here in America, "if you don't get into the penny appreciation fund soon enough (double pun intended) go long the dollar, short the Euro and Yen, and the rest of the world's currencies against this play of the microcosm generated by this micro god of infinitismal infinity against the Goliathian international banking establishment.

No one seems to understand where his real wealth comes from, but TPK recently put the value of his physical body on his balance sheet at about $2.2 billion based on the cost of the R&D it would take to replicate his purely bred, darkly complexioned, bald headed, big twelve inch footed, highly hairy Hungarian body.

To the entire world he is worth much more alive than dead, that is why he has not been officially terminally assasinated by any of the foreign governments who shudder to think what he would do if he set foot in their lands.

Even the FBI agents who dog him around the country don't like inflation and high mortgage payments, no matter how low the rates go, they see the vision and value of a freed and cleared society, lock, stock and barrel.

And to clone his Royal Hairiness would probably cost another billion, but a billion here, a trillion there and pretty soon we are talking some real money.

Some members from the local press, using infinity valued logic instead of Plato's or Aristotles limited valued logic, put the value well over ten trillion for his mind.

But you have to give the man credit, TPK refuses to sell his soul for any price and despite the governments' recent $600,000 highly unfair and distorted judgement against him and his Penny King Holdings Corporation, (the lawyers kept typing it up as Penny King Holdings Inc, and truly there is no inc on the Penny Kings paper corporation for he issues not a single dollar but yet collects pennies by the bucket load on a daily basis.)

Some say he has a true negative net worth of over ten million dollars (it could run into the billions if he starts to borrow in the European markets and from the Japanese to finance his not for profit zero interest mortgage operations, the whole rhyme and reason behind all his theatrical antics, the global hype campaign for the rising tides of disappearing pennies off the face of the earth, and his heroics in dealing with the international debt and banking crisis under the legal auspices of Jubilee 2000, one among dozens of global debt relief campaigns he supports verbally, publicly and with his own two cents worth of contributions from time to time.

He is rumored to be contemplating having his body cast in copper after his demise as part of his will. But others think that after his character assisination by the government recently, the mainstream media is getting ready to have a field day with his prior track record as an investor and money manager.

It was penny piss poor yet the pennied poor are cashing in their pennies daily for 500 and 10,000 per cent instant returns on investment, and if annualized like a bank certificate of deposit it puts every banker in the entire universe to shame, blame, regret, and utter total failure.
Do the math, trust us, it's really happening all around the nation and even in such far off lands as Australia where globe trotting Aussies are returning to their native lands and spreading the word to save every American penny that comes across their counters.

There are at least a dozen versions of the theme song for the planned four hour feature length motion picture which will come out in two parts. No recording artists have yet been named to lay down the tracks, but there was some rumor that Carole King, the legendary folk singer, was very interested in not only the story line but also in meeting her nemesis.
The joke that the Penny King has been pulling on the U.S government for the past decade is beginning to irritate the homeland security people.

If he pulls this international financial coup de etat off, it might be that national and international security will be threated by a sudden sharp rise in the value of the dollar, a collapse in oil prices (some are predicting that if a penny becomes worth a dollar then a gallon of gas will then settle down around 2.2 cents a gallon), and groups who plan to put on publicly assembled demonstrations might get unreasonably rowdy when he makes his appearances to cash in all those meek, mild and motionless peoples pennies for a dollar each.

Many people heard about TPK almost a decade ago when he first started pinching poor peoples pennies.

"Spange the spangers" was his philosophy and then "teach them to spange better than ever by not asking every passerby for all the loot in their pockets, but to ask for but just one penny and let the goodwill of the benefactor be his own conscience, and teach them to earn a living by exchanging their hard won and studiously learned talents and thereafter making their money work for them instead of their badly bruised and beaten bodies doing it for them, thus ruining the fun and spirit of living a life and losing that freedom which is not anywhere near another word for nothing left to lose no matter what Janice sang in the sixties".

Only the 210 soveriegn governments left in this world make money", says TPK, "everybody else has to earn it, invest it and make it multiply by using infinity valued math."

"What is a human soul worth really", says one cleric who counsels TPK on such high matters as how many souls are coming and going from the planet and where the balance of the next population explosion is going to occur so that plans for global food allocations and distribution can be accurately and timely managed. "The only thing wrong with our global unjust and unfair economy is bad management", rants on TPK.
"And bad managers eventually become houseless, honorless, hopelessly helpless, harried human beings who deserve to live in the hell hole they created for their future heritage, lest they do proper penny penance and free every debtor nation of this enormous great earth and thereby unleash the boundless infinite abundance with which this planet and our entire solar system has been blessed with a trillion times a second, for at the very least, during the past 100 years, while the bullish bankers who played ever larger and mounting goo goo games of monopoly with our eyes pulled wide shut over our lips so that we were unable to cough up the truth, these moronic madcap measures of make believe money within the delusional equity in our homes, and buried within our entire global multiple monetary money management technology systems, our illusory and yet ultimately illegal but "proper" taxes, and our methods, means and mediums of exchange and talents, which these last three we eventually must always, without failure, fall back on when the proverbial you know what hits the fan, we must each in our minds personally execute, under a just and fair universal unalterable law, these badly bungled, bruised and beaten bankers who are all too soon to be buried beneath their badly run bunkers of bailing Bushes and all their globally and universally politically incorrect cronies.
In the movie version, (giving away part of the plot and the script) hundreds of thousands of public demonstrators scatter around the nation when the national guard is brought in to stop all the penny pinching.
The scatterers race around every major city in the country letting the air out of almost every parked vehicle's tires so that the vast majority of the people in this country cannot get to work, and therefore they engrossingly enmasse, ceasing to buy billions of gallons of gasoline each and every hour, on the hour, for hours on end, day after day, week after week, month after month and after a year, those whose oil parents would therefor cease and fail in making such simple steady streams of solid illusory fiat cash flow payments to the bankers who lent the oilmen the money to mill the mud that makes the crude look rude to any dude whose life has become so screwed that even the lewd would consider those bankers unglued if their bunkers had been hit by a simple but sassy smart bomb coming out of some weapons of mass construction invented by the one and only multi-mannered magical magyar magician, who in his spare time writes novels about those billions of his own past lives which he has totally recalled through his fleeting memory during the spare seconds between the out takes on the shooting set of a film financed by the feeble follies of the forlorn and featureless funsters whose labors have finally come to fruition forever.
America finally gets its' wake up call as the five hundred trillion of interest bearing debt that had prior to the air letting been globally increasing at the rate of fifty billion dollars a second, is completely and utterly vanished into that very same air from whence it was let out, and a national "week off" holiday is reluctantly declared, and thereby a truce is finally called whereby the government finally settles any damages and corrects everything falsely accused or ever incorrectly written about TPK, whether uttered on tape or written by them, their agents or plain vanilla idiots wrapped in their boxer shorts, with a tie died and designed for bosses who could quickly yank the executive by tugging away and afar upon his neckpiece, all apologies are accepted and the past lies forgiven for the sake of the future of the entire human race and TPK in the final end enters the witness protection program after bringing to justice the largest bank fraudsters in the history of the planet.

But all this is merely quiet precedent for the portending proprietary proof of power potentials that lie in his pretty paws as he gears up to rethink the entire universe with his ThoughtWars.
This then is really only half the beginning of his half life of enduring accomplishment, and he must bring even greater things than himself to the fore of his pilgrimage through this planet of foolish forgiven yet forgotten foragers who have all at once lost their funism to the fear of falling down the funnel of future failure.
There is a whole nother brother peanut butter nutter bar to gobble up out there somewhere in the galaxy because someone is not being fair in our mutually agreed universal sandbox of stars and galaxies spread like drops of honey lustred love across the spaces and times of ad infinitem, and justice always in the end prevails, and henceforth thus shall begin another newer and better age of science fiction at such higher levels that not even the secret thoughts of any single one lonely human being could exist by being withheld from any other human living being on any planet in the entire universe without the detection of the ThoughtStimator, such is the great magnitudes of the powers of the ThoughtWare technology that it ultimately leads to the supreme advanced technological ThoughtWars that ultimately defeat the ThoughtMongers who had turned themselves into a series of common every day "boring everyone to death" realities which as always are more easily borne, bred and butchered by the brave mind of the mojo'd magyar magi who is made completely of mighty yet mild and meager magical magicians moxy, and yet he who is no longer marooned by moronic minds who meld together meekly for money matters making us mete more than our morbid share of the most and hath made many out of each one, a moment of millennial motion moving mountains with a momentary mingling of miraculous multitudes .

Over 150 trillion in money laundering profits exposed by his crack team of private intelligence officers.

The bankers were using phony gold backed certificates of deposit issued by some of the biggest names in banking history, to not only guarantee the debts of some of the most financially troubled countries in the world, making the illusion that something was really behind the value of the money and the credit was there, that it was good to get right to the heart of the matter, which you can only figure out when you see the entire plot unfold all the way to the end of the screenplay in San Jose.
The Penny King is directing the crew to assemble the production company and should you and your friends need or want to get onto the bandwagon and be a larger part of the crew you are more than welcome to add as many of your own two cents to the mixture of maturing material as you are possibly ready for or are willing and able to contribute.
Studio space is set up, the rides for a penny project is in full swing with several other vehicles and drivers being trained after their initial briefings and recruitment.

The meals for a penny program is also being piloted with a facility already located which will feed two hundred people an hour and teach twenty five chosen and willing free students on a daily basis on the subject of Freenomics.

Graduates will then go on to become staff members of the not for profit orgs run by the Penny King.

The Fifty Ways to Leave Your Landlord book is also being revised, edited and updated to reflect current statistics in the housing market, the current asset values of the US government and its holdings of national forest lands, as well as its recent acquisition of over a trillion dollars worth of oil in the ground in Iraq through various contracts being let to the oil companies that have vied for that business for the past three decades.
Not the least of which good news has come that the Penny King has been invited to speak before a crowd of 50,000 people on July 4th and demonstrate his power of thoughtware by causing an electrical storm in the mountains which results in a triple rainbow effect in the sky, proving once and for all that he is truly a master artist on the big screen of life.
Hook us up with all your friends and save all your pennies in the meantime, there are now less than 80 billion of them left in circulation according to surveys conducted by the Free and Clear Press Corps and by the time November rolls around, the entire nation will be penniless and Bush will go down as the worst defeated president in the history of American Democracy.
Send us your journalists, your writers, your private investigators, your government agents, your police officers, and your Federalies and we will enlighten them on what impact one small group of freenomicists can have on the entire global economy just by starting all over again with a penny and doubling it every day for the next 90 days, a talent TPK is teaching exclusively to those selected chosen few who have not previously betrayed him through distrust, disbelief, and dishonorable denial of just and due diligence.
"As the world turns", according to TPK's teachings, he tells us that "thought precedes all actions and any final results in the markets" and the "steady buying of pennies (over 500,000 bought over a ten year period by TPK alone at last accurate count) over the years" has made him not only loved by the entire multi trillion dollar global underground economy and their major players and ThoughtLeaders, but has elicited an eerie emanating hatred from the established internationally monopolistic maddog bankers whose interests are beginning to feel the crumbling impact of their own outmoded, outdated surely outlandish policies and procedures which they have been so strictly and competently operating under for the past 100 years, so they now must learn to blame not the innovator and harbinger of messages that shape the future of our common reality, but to look inward and cave in on themselves for it is they who made all these slaves that TPK must now enlighten in order to set free with freenomic intelligence of the highest order of magnitude.
The lawyers do not know what legal action they can take. There are no laws against buying up pennies for a dollar each and rightly so, it was we the people who delegated to congress the rights and privelages of regulating the value of our money over 200 years ago, a job at which they have miserably failed and utterly lost sight of just over 30 years ago. Its been fiats and bloodletting ever since.
And the latest twist is that the Penny King is becoming known far and wide as a tantric healer after his many public healings at various gatherings around the country and his private practice of providing tantric healing massages to the withered, the impaigned, the hurt and the downcast, only to raise their dead lives to a new hope for the future and a brighter prospect on the way for the purchasing power of their pennies. Massages for a penny anyone?
Talent scouts and agents have been very busy, particularly with his latest work and getting permission from Peter Tork of Monkees fame to rewrite Peter Perceival Patterson under the following lines:
Peter Percieval Patterson's Pet Pig Porky loved Pennies!
He saved his pennies when he bought breakfast.
And he always asked for all his change at the cash register to be paid in pennies after every lunch, and he saved all his pennies after dinner.

Peter Percieval Patterson's Pet Pig Porky loved Pink Pennies, Purple Pennies, Pineapple Pennies, Pumpkin Pennies and Pretty shiny new pennies, and he saved every one that touched his perty porky hands.

One day Peter Percieval Patterson's Pet Pig Porky saved so many pennies you know what the global economy did?

It popped!

g! I love you...all you adoring, aware and understanding fans...remember, it was TPK who said only a stupid idiot doesn't know why heshe is a stupid idiot, and god blesses even the stupid idiots a trillion times a second....think about it!


Saaaavveeeee allllllaaaa yooooooouuuuuuus pennies!