Meme - Part 1 Thursday
Dear Meme,
This is by far the longest letter that I wrote. I was thinking of just hitting on the key issue and summarizing, but Sophia has a tendency to come up with something that is more key than the key issue, so I am just going to transcribe. If you manage to weed through all this, thank you. I am going to separate it, since I am not sure if there is a cut off and it sort of is different messages any way.
First - Thursday, my side.
Like I said, it was all this compartmentalization that allowed us to be played, so I am going to put the behind the scenes from my side on the table. This isn?t everything that happened, just how it relates to any possible relationship you and I could have.
I was given the link at around 11:00 Thursday morning. I went over and saw who was here. I thought ?so this is where the cool kids hang out.? I emailed a certain someone that it looked good and I might even be able to give out some of my more personal ideas here based on who I saw.
I was warned that Sassy and Tower has said some catty things, but that didn?t completely surprise me. I had been getting mixed feelings from them for a while. I wouldn?t say that I necessarily liked Sassy, but just tried harder with her. After I took my daughter to the bus, I got a drink and started to read.
Catty doesn?t quite do what was said justice. Big deal. No offense, but no one has seen truly bitchy until they have seen what *I* am capable of. But this isn?t some sort of bitch-off to see who can say the meanest thing, I hope. I?ll admit that the level of vitriol took me aback. I will also admit that what hurt and surprised me the most what you chiming in.
Af first there was no way that I was going to join. It seemed quite obvious that certain people didn?t want me here, even if someone was too blind to see that. Then 3 people, Meghan, Indy and you said pretty much the same thing, if you are going to invite her, remove the messages. The ?damage? had been done, but the sentiment was nice. Maybe I would give it a go.
But I screwed everything up. I didn?t feel right having this knowledge without you knowing. So I told a certain someone to tell you. I also told him to give you my address. I assumed that he had. He is such a manipulator, I now know, that I cannot make any assumptions about his actions. It is only by bringing this out into the open that we can unravel his schemes.
I figured if you were genuinely concerned about my feelings, you would email me privately so we could clean the air. To be honest, I was surprised and a little hurt by what you said, but I annoy a lot of people, even my friends. Such is my paradoxical existence. There seemed to be concern there and hints that you were so frustrated because there were parts of me that you liked.
I figured (I say that a lot don?t I) if I gave you more of a chance to see those parts, which aren?t always given to the ?public? (so maybe I?m not quite as open as a book), something could develop between us. We had been chatting about getting together if Hubby goes to OCS and about art, so maybe something was there.
There is something that you have to realize about me, those things that you dislike or frustrate you are either so intertwined or cause the more interesting things (often they are flip sides of the same coin), they either cannot be separated or doing so will kill the other parts. That is why I recommend talking *to* me and not *about* me. People talk about me typically out of frustration, unless they truly are catty at heart. The only way I know to get over this is to either decide to accept me as I am or to dismiss me. Changing me isn?t an option.
Do I take nudges and hints? Nope. Do I take whacks across the back with a chair? Nope. There is only *one* way that I change, Sophia. You can give me nudges, but then they have to be internalized. Sophia will present them in a way that allows me to more fully express my Self. All profound change comes from me. You cannot expect to say you look this way and have me change immediately. I don?t work that way.
Back to Thursday. I never got the e-mail expected. Not sure if a certain someone ever gave you my address or why you decided to deal with my on-board where things have a tendency to blow up. Since I assumed that you had my address, I decided that it wasn?t about *my* feelings, but rather *your* appearances. That is how it looked to me.
So one of the 3 good guys which were the reason for giving the place a chance got lumped in with the others. Perhaps this was unfair of me. I am sorry I did that. Most of the post addressed to you was more about them. I am still confused though, if it really was about not hurting my feelings, why didn?t you contact me off board? At the very least you knew that 8th had my address. You could have posted either place for me to contact your go.com box, if you have one or sent something to my go.com box.
That is Part 1.
Luna
