LFM, have you seen this one? I'm sure you have...if not you'll be on the floor...
Pinkie dictionary
AF's - Audited Financials; documents so rare, so precious, that mere mention of their future appearance can cause spectacular price appreciation (See also: Next Week).
Available Funds - a number inversely proportional to the investment merits of the stock you are considering for purchase.
Average Down - what to do when your stock has dropped far below your Mental Stop.
Basher - the ultimate compliment; a person of considerable wealth, wit and skepticism. Will never critique a bad stock, only good ones. (See also: Paid Basher)
Big News - the cause of much anticipation among Stuckholders; if and when released, causes massive Naked Shorting, which is the only way the Market Makers can prevent the price from rising (to the Moon).
Boca Raton - an island of integrity and sound financial advice in the Florida swamps.
Boiler Room - an old documentary about the lost art of reeling in a Sucker by telephone.
Cellar Boxing - a game played by Market Makers when they get bored with pulling the wings off flies.
Cert - an official-looking document that proves you lost money.
Cert Pull - a reliable way to insure that Stuckholders remain so.
Credit Card - an excellent source of funds for non-marginable Emerging Growth Stocks
DD - the process by which you convince yourself to buy a bad stock (courtesy of "serfdom").
Economic Darwinism - the process by which Pink Sheet Stuckholders are relieved of their money and removed from the financial ecosystem, thus insuring that they will never become wealthy enough to cause real damage.
Emerging Growth Company - an implausible story about a hypothetical business.
Emerging Growth Stock - a scam.
Ex-clearing - the red button on the trading terminals of all Hedge Funds that allows a trader to manipulate a single stock, or the entire market, yet avoid detection by any compliance, audit, regulatory or taxation authority.
God Bless (when used at the end of a letter to shareholders, subscribers, etc.) - proof that the author is sincere about wanting to take your money, reluctant to serve a prison sentence, or both.
Greenwich, CT - Hedge Fund capital of the world, home to many Naked Short Sellers; the only portal into Hades with regular train service from mid-town Manhattan.
Gullibler - see Sucker
Gut Feeling - (before you buy an Emerging Growth Stock): a hunch that this will finally be the multi-bagger you have been searching for; (after you buy an Emerging Growth Stock): the urge to vomit.
Hedge Fund - any group of two or more people with more money and brains than you.
Investor Relations - a liar who is unable to hold down a steady job.
JV - an arrangement between the promoters of two or more Emerging Growth Stocks, with the sole intention of inducing Suckers to buy, and shorts to cover; a meaningless document.
Janet Shell - part cyber-sleuth, part vampire, she clones rats in a secret underground lair and can destroy an Emerging Growth Stock by simply moving her fingers. Sued by the SEC, Amazon and Business Week, she fled her Texas trailer park and is now living in exile in the former Soviet republic of Italy.
Letter of Intent - a letter sent by one party to a second party, usually made public with the sole intention of inducing many third parties to purchase an Emerging Growth Stock. (See also: MOU, JV, Big News, Next Week)
Level II - an electronic stream of data that will enable you to lose more money, faster than ever before.
Locked and Loaded - "I have doubled down more than once on this pig, and if it doesn't go back up very soon, I am in deep, deep trouble…"
Long and Strong - "My irrational belief in this dishonest promotion will not be shaken by assertions of fact."
MM - Market Maker; the Ferrari-driving 24 year-old who emptied your account, one trade at a time.
MOASS - the Mother of All Short Squeezes; when predicted as imminent, a guarantee that your stock will drift lower for the rest of time.
MOU - a letter sent by one liar to another.
Margin - a quicker way to send your entire portfolio to Money Heaven.
Margin Call - the market's way of telling you to stop trading and buy no-load mutual funds.
Melchizidek - a business-friendly domicile for Emerging Growth Companies (see also: Utah)
Mental Stop - an arbitrary point below your purchase price, and always adjusted down to be below the current quote. (See also: Stop Loss)
Mine - a hole in the ground with a liar at the top (Mark Twain).
Mining Company - a group of liars.
Mining Company (Exploration Stage) - a group of liars who have not yet agreed what to lie about.
Mining Company Stock - expensive toilet paper.
Money Heaven: the final resting place for the capital of retail Spec-o-lators. (See also Greenwich, CT.)
Money TV - a platform for fraudulent stock promotion, hosted by paid shill and convicted goat-fucker, Donald Baillargeon.
Moon - frequently-promised price-point for Emerging Growth Stocks; a mineral-rich celestial body, ripe for exploration by Mining Companies.
NSS (Naked Short Selling) - a helpful service provided by Market Makers to lower the price of your stock, so you can buy more at bargain levels (in time for the MOASS).
Next Week - the time frame for the release of the Big News. Always Next Week, never This Week.
NITE - Knight Trading, the largest Market Maker of Emerging Growth Stocks, and the party responsible for your lack of investment acumen and poor trading skills.
OS - Outstanding Shares, like the National Debt, a large and ever-increasing number, but with more immediate negative effect on Stuckholders' wealth.
Optomistic - this mis-spelling of the word optimistic reliably indicates the victim has not yet realized the extent of his losses, or the depths to which the company's management or IR person will go to deceive him.
Paid Basher - one already rich from not wasting their capital on Emerging Growth Stocks, and able to pull down many additional billions by criticizing YOUR stock.
Penny Stock - a business so unprofitable, so mis-managed, so dishonest, that no bank or VC would lend them a cent (see also: Emerging Growth Stock, Mining Company).
Penny Stockholm Syndrome - the love that dare not show a spouse the brokerage statement (see also: True Long).
Pink Sheets - an electronic stock exhange whose secret objective is the transfer of wealth from Suckers to Hedge Funds and executives of Emerging Growth Companies.
Positive DD - what the CEO/promoter/IR person tells you on the phone (but is unable to put in writing); frequently involves Big News, which may arrive as early as Next Week.
Press Release - (when issued by a Real Company) an announcement of material interest to the financial community, intended to goose the stock price; (when issued by an Emerging Growth Company) a collection of exaggerations, lies and errors of omission, intended to goose the stock price.
Reverse Split - the market's way of letting you know your stock is a loser.
SEC - huge, lavishly-funded regulatory agency, whose secret objective is the transfer of wealth from Suckers to Hedge Funds.
Short - the natural enemy of the Sucker;
Short, Naked - see NSS
Spec-o-late - to throw one's capital down the Stinky Pinky Toilet; to engage in wild financial fantasies that will never be realized.
Steve Cohen - (pronounced: Cth'ul'hu) Hedge Fund manager and notorious Short; very camera-shy, due to the fact that he has actual horns growing from his head.
Stinky Pinky - see Emerging Growth Stock
Stinky Pinky Toilet: the place your money goes. (See also: Money Heaven)
Stop Loss - an invitation to a Market Maker to take your money.
Stuckholder - holder of a position in a Stinky Pinky where the proceeds from selling would be less than the commission.
Sucker - anyone long a Penny Stock for longer than it takes to go to the bathroom.
Things that make you go HMMMMMM - prelude or finale to a message-board post consisting of well-researched links that clearly prove the price weakness in a particular Stinky Pinky is due to a vast conspiracy by a secret alliance of Hedge Funds, Market Makers, central banks, the supreme court, Raging Bull, Paid Bashers, the Vatican, the SEC and DTCC, the House of Saud, George Soros, the Smoking Man, etc.
Time Travel - a technology found only in the business plans of Emerging Growth Companies.
Trailing Stop - a trading technique designed to protect profits, seldom needed by investors in Emerging Growth Stocks.
True Long - the con man's best friend.
Utah - a business-friendly domicile for Emerging Growth Stocks.
Vancouver - a street in Canada where your broker worked before he moved to Boca Raton
Wall St - a really old movie with Michael Douglas that portrays the softer, more sentimental side of finance (see also: Boiler Room).
Zero Bid - the market's way of letting you know your stock is a loser.
AI
