GOOD / BAD
Good: The teacher thinks your son's great.
Bad: In bed.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You are seen at a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.
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The farm had been mortgaged, and gladly, to give their daughter a college education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered, "I have a confession to make, Paw - I ain't a virgin no more."
The old man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Maw and I made to give you a good education, you still say ain't!"
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A beautiful blonde woman called in a repairman to fix her electric clock.
He examined it and told her, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it plugged in."
She replied, "I don't want to waste electricity, so I only plug it in when I want to know what time it is."
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A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said,"Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries."
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SHORT ONES
In her book Hillary Clinton said she could have divorced her husband for all of his infidelities, but decided to get counseling instead. In a related story Bill Clinton announced the name of his new book is 'What Does It Take To Get This Woman To Leave Me?' - Craig Kilborn
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"In a speech last week, president Clinton complained that the Bush Administration is erasing all of his accomplishments. Today the Bush Administration said all they did was steam clean the rug in the oval office." -Conan O'Brien
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A football coach was asked his secret of evaluating raw recruits.
"Well," he said, "I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run. The ones that go around the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run into the trees, I turn into linemen."
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What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned during Spring Training.
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"Johnson," the boss said, "I happen to know that the reason you didn't come to work yesterday was that you were out playing golf."
"That's not true," Johnson protested. "And I have the fish to prove it."
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Worry is like a rocking chair - it will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
AI
