SPOOZ Inc (SPZI)

[alliecorp]

OT: Investment Humor...I think.??? :)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Stock Broker - Investments in Order?

Are your investments in order? In the wake of the AOL/Time Warner deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see. Below are some of the latest rumors from Wall Street:

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.

John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.

Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine All Mine.

Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell

----------------------------------------------------------------

Stock Broker - Today's Stock Market Report:
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining stocks hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillars stock inched up a bit.
Sun microsystems peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries burst in an attempt to recharge the market.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Stock Broker - Bumper Sticker:
Seen on wallstreet after a bad month for the markets: My other Porshe is for sale.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Stock Broker - Corner the market:
I have an uncle who works down at Wall Street. He used to have a corner on the market. Now he has a market on the corner.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Stock Broker - October
October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

- Mark Twain

----------------------------------------------------------------

Stock Broker - Sherlock Holmes
The stockbroker received a letter from the IRS annoucing that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sherlock Holmes."

"Why on earth would you say that?" asked the broker.

"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last two returns than he made in his entire career."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Stock Broker - On trial
A crooked stock broker was in court for cheating thousands of people out of their hard earned money with an elaborate investment fraud scheme. The District Attorney asked him how many people he had cheated, and the defendant, even with all the proof against him, replied, "None."

Surprised at the answer, the DA said, "Do you know what the penalty is for perjury sir?"

"I do as a matter of fact, and it's a lot less than the ones I'm currently facing," said the broker with a grin.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Stock Broker - Women
Two stockbrokers went out to lunch together. One said to the other, "Let's relax while we eat and talk about something other than the market for a change."

"Good idea. Let's talk about women."

"Okay... Common or preferred?"