POOPY STOCKS

[stratocasterca]

the desert chronicles have a couple items to make note of, neither of which are related in a direct fashion, but when you live on top of a geothermal system that leaves the ground so warm that it melts the snow off of your cow pasture in winter, and the water is full of dissolved heavy metals, etc., it is no wonder that some goofy things happen.

First off, a young cowboy was out sitting in the outhouse on the Parman ranch (just north of town) in 1951, when a few hundred yards in front of him, the ground exploded, shooting boiling mud and steam hundreds of feet into the air, which speeded up his morning process in the outhouse considerably. He is lauded as the only witness to the unprecedented explosion of a whole geothermal system at that scale. He went on to become a breeder of bucking bulls for the Professional Bull Riders Association long before the PBR became popular as an ESPN staple. He tossed barbed wire in most of the newly formed hot springs, so that calves wouldn't fall in and get scalded. He is also probably the world record holder for the quickest visits to the john; just the sight of a toilet seat makes him skittish, and he is now many years removed from the eruption but some things just kind of stick in a guys mind.

A certain local rabble rouser takes the event as evidence of alien visitation, and, coupled with her investigations of cattle mutilations, has developed a cottage industry in writing books about human/alien hybridization. I figure it has to be something in the water. And speaking of cottages...

Just north of exploding cow pasture, there is a guy who raises a few cows and does mechanic work on occasion, who, because he doesn't waste time shaving or getting haircuts, had time to get connected to the internet a few years ago. He located a gal in Capetown, South Africa, who hung out at the same cybersex chat rooms, so decided to invite her to America for a sample of the real thing. He told his wife a penpal was coming to visit. When she arrived, she looked like she had stepped out of a Coors beer commercial, all blonde and curvy and young.

Well, his wife kinda didn't think too much of that turn of events, as the gal stayed and it was clear there was a lot of hay being rolled in whenever the wife turned her back, enough to upset the cattle. Soon the wife moved to the guest cabin out back, and took her quilting with her. Well, lo and behold, about 6 months later, the wife died. She was full of poison, arsenic to be specific. The local constable, who obviously doesn't watch CSI, couldn't quite figure the manner of death, so for the record, it was ruled to be undetermined, but a probable suicide. Poisoning one's self slowly to a painful death over a period of months is an unusual way to do yourself in, but the deputy was used to unusual stuff, since he drinks the same water. Everyone from kindergarten age on up knew, of course, that it was homocide, but no one said much; gossip is a team sport, and the players were having too much fun to go ruin the fun they were having speculating.

Not being a shy guy, he promptly bought a '40 chevy truck, which he drives in the parade during the annual town celebration, to show off his new bride to everyone in town. And since the bushy-bearded guy still had spare time from not shaving or getting a haircut, he turned the guest house into a visitor's cottage, which he rents out to tourists who lack a sense of history. Nice place, but don't drink the water.

oh, and here is a link to the exploding mud volcano:
http://pangea.stanford.edu/groups/warners/PDFs/Lake%20City%20Geothermal%20System.pdf