SECRET SANTA (PEGnNJ)
I didn’t know what to do
So I looked at some sayings for you
You are thoughtful and nice
And of that I am sure
So I picked some quotes to read that endure
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Nice Thoughts
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
It's okay to call someone stupid. Just don't prove it.
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
Laws of the Universe
"Never attribute to malice anything that can be adequately explained by stupidity." -- Hanlon's Razor
"No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less." -- Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom
"Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in."
"Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups." -- Wethern's Law
On Politics and the World
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." -- Oscar Wilde
“To an old leader will be born an idiot heir, weak both in knowledge and in war."—Nostradamus
On Men and Women
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base." -- Dave Barry
"Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want to marry you...I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks." -- Rita Rudner
"Falling in love is like catching knives. In time, you can learn to do it without hurting yourself every time. It's still a dangerous proposition, though." – russ
"Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo." -- Rita Rudner
"Men believe they already have all the clothes they will ever need, and new ones make them nervous. For example, your average man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only three of them. He has learned, through humiliating trial and error, that if he wears any of the other 81 ties, his wife will probably laugh at him ("You're not going to wear THAT tie with that suit, are you?"). So he has narrowed it down to three safe ties, and has gone several years without being laughed at. If you give him a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you." -- Dave Barry
On Life
"[The aardvark's tongue] is as long as your arm, but sticky, flexible, and covered in panic-stricken termites...."
"Ninety percent of the time, things turn out better than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time, you had no right to expect that much." -- Augustine
"If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error." -- John Kenneth Galbraith
"You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now." -- Lauren Bacall
"Trust everyone - but cut the cards." -- W.C. Fields
"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." - H. L. Mencken
"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive." -- Bugs Bunny
AI
