Apple Inc (AAPL)

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When you need to get an iDentity

Chicago Tribune
By David Martin
Published March 30, 2007


Hard on the heels of its successful iPod line of portable players and its recently released iPhone, Apple Corp. has launched its newest product: the iDentity

At an elaborately staged press conference held at the Las Vegas Hilton, Apple CEO Steve Jobs introduced what he claimed would be the next must-have electronic gizmo.

The handheld iDentity looks much like Apple's iPod. But instead of playing music or videos, the iDentity provides the user with everything he or she needs to get a life.

"It was a real no-brainer," said Jobs. "Our market research revealed that most of our iPod users were in desperate need of a life. Now with the iDentity, they can get the next best thing -- a virtual life."

Customers who have relied primarily on their iPods for social status and moral direction now have the opportunity to experience a fuller, richer "life" registered trademark (All rights reserved. Property of Apple Corp.). All an iDentity user needs do is visit Apple's Web site and download personally tailored "interests," "hobbies," "philosophies," "friends," "likes," "dislikes" and all the other building blocks of a meaningful existence.

iDentity users can create a virtual personality that will make them feel like a "real person."registered trademark Users can choose from lists of options or, if they wish, choose any one of hundreds of pre-formed celebrity personalities.

And best of all, for those who forget who they have become, it's right there at the scroll of a finger on their iDentity. Plus, of course, all their favorite songs and a phone.

Unfortunately, like the iPod, the iDentity is restricted by Apple's proprietary software. "We could have made it compatible with people experiencing real life," said Jobs. "But where's the profit in that?"

No word yesterday from Mr. Jobs about rumors that his company is working on the next product in the "i" line -- the iOpoly.

"We'll keep you posted," chuckled Mr. Jobs.

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David Martin lives in Canada.