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Thursday, July 07, 2022 2:19:40 PM
https://www.telesurenglish.net/news/Russia--Venezuela-Pledge-To-Foster-and-Diversify-Trade-20220706-0015.html
Reporting Live from Caracas:
Ring ring
Nicolás Maduro: Hola?
Vladimir Putin: Nicolás, it is Vlad in Moscow... how is it hanging?
Nicolás Maduro: Good Senor Vlad, I see you killed another hundred innocent noncombatant old grandmas, civilians and kids yesterday in Ukraine. You're becoming quite the next Peter The Great and all from pushing buttons on your comfy armchair in your nice Moscow air-conditioned office with the wet bar and those hot half-naked Russian chicks running the wet bar.
Vladimir Putin: Well Nicolás, it is a tough job but someone has to do it.
Nicolás Maduro: So how can I help you today comrade Vlad?
Vladimir Putin: We need some lithium fast in order to get our military back on track. Gas-guzzling slow heavy armored tanks at US$6-$9 million a pop requiring banned Taiwanese microchips are not the future in modern warfare for us orcs
Nicolás Maduro: But Senor Vlad, we don't have any lithium... we have oil.
Vladimir Putin: Oil schmoil, we got oil too. No, I need you to send your troops into one of those stinking beaner countries down in South America that is full of lithium and scoop it up for me.
Nicolás Maduro: When?
Vladimir Putin: Well, we will be setting up shop in Bolivia around Christmas time and it will take around month for us to ship over all the vodka we will need plus the gorgeous Russian babes for all the cat houses we'll be setting up along the southern border of Bolivia. So I am thinking the weather will still be nice in February 2023 and that would be a nice time for us to go in and plunder some two-bit banana republic south of Bolivia to "liberate" their lithium for our motherland Russia.
Nicolás Maduro: Well, I just checked my schedule and I am free pretty much all of February and March 2023.
Vladimir Putin: Good, then we can go lithium plundering in February 2023.
Ta ta my big fat teddy bear with your Stalin mustache.
Nicolás Maduro: Nightie night my little snookcums wookcums.
Click
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