Mr. and Mrs. Johnson are retired. Mrs. Johnson insists that he go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Johnson loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the Wal-Mart store.
Dear Mrs. Johnson,
Over the past six months your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and are banning both of you from our store. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. The complaints against Mr. Johnson are listed below. Mrs .Johnson, while you were shopping, he:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. July 9: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms
4. July 19; Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone "Code 3 in Housewares" and watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Sept 16: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers to join him but to bring a pillow from the bedding department.
7. Sept 23: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone."
8. Sept 29: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera and diligently picked his nose.
10. Nov 19: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where to find the antidepressants.
11. Nov 22: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 3: In the automotive department, he practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed thru, yelled, "Pick me! Pick me!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
the fetal position and screamed "NO, NO, it's those voices again."
And lastly,
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile and then yelled loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
