Home > Boards > The Lounge > Politics > Liberal Free Chat Zone (NOLIB)

Border Patrol Loses Horse Privileges, Must Now Bang

Public Reply | Private Reply | Keep | Last ReadPost New MsgReplies (2) | Next 10 | Previous | Next
al44 Member Profile
Member Level 
Followed By 62
Posts 56,278
Boards Moderated 2
Alias Born 03/29/01
160x600 placeholder
Top Company News of the Day
Axel Springer, whose $1 billion acquisition of Politico is expected to close next week, is also planning foreign-language editions.
Corn Rises as Farmers Hold on to Harvests -- Daily Grain Highlights
Front Month Nymex Natural Gas Fell 2.79% This Week to Settle at $5.4100 -- Data Talk
Front Month Nymex RBOB Gasoline Rose 5.08% This Week to Settle at $2.4864 -- Data Talk
CureVac Shares Down 12%
Housing Starts and Existing Home Sales on the Docket -- Data Week Ahead
Twitch Confirms Source Code Leak; Passwords Not Exposed
U.S. Oil-Rig Count Rises by 12 in Latest Week, Baker Hughes Says
Genentech: FDA Approves Tecentriq as Adjuvant Treatment for Certain Lung Cancer Patients
FTSE 100 Index Ends the Week 1.95% Higher at 7234.03 -- Data Talk
DAX Ends the Week 2.51% Higher at 15587.36 -- Data Talk
STOXX Europe 50 Index Ends the Week 2.50% Higher at 3628.05 -- Data Talk
EURO STOXX 50 Index Ends the Week 2.69% Higher at 4182.91 -- Data Talk
CAC 40 Index Ends the Week 2.55% Higher at 6727.52 -- Data Talk
STOXX Europe 600 Index Ends the Week 2.65% Higher at 469.39 -- Data Talk
Rising Demand Just One Factor in Inflation, Supply Chain Woes
Lockheed Martin Currently Up Nine Consecutive Days, On Track for Longest Winning Streak Since October 2017 -- Data Talk
FTSE Closes Up, But Loses Strength of Morning Opening
U.S. Consumer Sentiment Decreased in Early October -University of Michigan
Leonardo Says It Didn't Supply Airbus With Components From Embattled Subcontractor -- Update
VC Daily: Question: What Makes Decentralized Finance Attractive to Investors?
Caterpillar Names First Chief Sustainability and Strategy Officer
ITA Begins Operations as Italy's New National Flag Carrier
LumiraDx Shares Rise 13% Premarket on EUA Submission to FDA
al44 Member Level  Thursday, 09/23/21 09:38:03 AM
Re: None
Post # of 367790 
Border Patrol Loses Horse Privileges, Must Now Bang Two Empty Halves Of Coconuts Together

September 21st, 2021 - BabylonBee.com



DEL RIO, TX—After horrific images surfaced showing horseback Border Patrol agents patrolling the border while on horseback, President Biden’s Secretary of Horses has temporarily revoked their privilege of doing their job while riding horses.

“Until the agents learn to behave in a manner that doesn't call attention to one of Biden’s many disasters, they cannot ride any horses, and must instead use these.” He then held up two empty coconut halves, demonstrating how they sound like horse hooves when banged together. A journalist from CNN asked if the sound was coming from a real horse.

Border agent Bob Arthur expressed disappointment in the decision but said he understands why it had to happen. “We Texans can get carried away once we hop on a horse. From up there, anything moving looks like a steer needing to be lassoed, hogtied, then branded. It’s good they revoked our horse privileges before we pulled out our standard-issue branding irons.”

Officer Gallahad of Border Patrol Central Command says the change has already produced positive results, such as increased capture of illegal immigrants. He credits the increase to the fact that immigrants facing this new coconut-laden threat are unable to flee while also laughing uncontrollably.

Fortunately for Border Patrol, most migrants are deciding to return to their home countries after hearing horror stories of vaccine ID restrictions unfairly targeting minority families in cities like New York City.

https://babylonbee.com/news/orders-border-patrol-to-stop-riding-horses-just-bang-two-empty-halves-of-coconuts-together

What part of "shall not be infringed" is unclear?

Public Reply | Private Reply | Keep | Last ReadPost New MsgReplies (2) | Next 10 | Previous | Next
Follow Board Follow Board Keyboard Shortcuts Report TOS Violation
X
Current Price
Change
Volume
Detailed Quote - Discussion Board
Intraday Chart
+/- to Watchlist
Consent Preferences