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Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea!!
FLASH!!
Dateline April 28th, 2021. East coast of our great nation. Sometime over the last two weeks, Delaware, the state that brought us...um...the state on the East coast we all know and lov..., uh...Delaware has vanished into thin air! While no one we spoke with in the immediate aftermath of this discovery -- or more aptly, lack thereof -- was aware of exactly when the state went missing, they do report that in the place of where Delaware had rested now sits an unknown number of Jiffy Lube Oil Change facilities, several Long John Silver's seafood restaurants, a Tim Horton's and, as one gentleman put it, "more Piggly Wiggly's than God could have ever intended exist in one place at one time".
This is a developing story and we have camara crews rushing to the scene. We will bring you more updates as they become available. For now, we return you to "Cops - Wall Street Beat" with your host that mean ol' anti-business senator Tom Cotton and that famous "hangin' regulator" who shut down so much capitalist corruption in his day, Alan "Eagle Eye" Greenspan.
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