A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi ... you know, I just hate drawing welfare......I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is just excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary will be $300,000 per year." The guy, wide eyed, says, "You're bullshitting me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well ... you started it."
"When life hands you lemons..........ask for tequila and salt!"
"When in doubt, empty the clip."
