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Thirty Two Short Films About Confederate Monuments

Tuesday, July 7th, 2020

by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 9 comments

http://showercapblog.com/thirty-two-short-films-about-confederate-monuments/

Facing the sort of polling that makes you hope, for Mark Meadows’ sake, that the West Wing stocked up on adult diapers before the pandemic hit, Tangerine Idi Amin spent Independence Day weekend skulking around the country, periodically delivering long, boring, hate-drenched teleprompter speeches about…fuck, I can’t pay attention when he drones on and on like that, about whatever fabricated horrors he wants his idiot base to fear and loathe this week. One of them was apparently at Mount Rushmore.

Whatever.

AMERICAN CARNAGE PART DEUX: Still Completely Fucked, Better Hire Me to Golf Some More.

I see Son of Shart’s grifter girlfriend has acquired more cooties than even the first part of this sentence would imply, somehow catching the ‘rona despite brainlessly flaunting CDC recommendations and engaging in what’s widely understood to be high-risk behavior OH GOD HOW COULD SUCH A THING HAPPEN. Amazingly, neither this infection nor any of the others that’ve popped up around Team Turdworm’s stubbornly maskless events have caused any slight turn towards safer behavior, because the plan is still to trick people into forgetting about COVID by…catching COVID I guess; look, if you want things to make sense read a fucking novel.

Alas, we have been thwarted by the clever propagandists at Fux Nooz yet again, comrades! In cropping the leering image of Lil’ Donnie Two-Scoops out of a photograph with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, they have forever destroyed any connection between the world’s two most famous sexual abusers in the public mind! These masters of disinformation certainly didn’t draw exponentially more attention to the Trump-Epstein connection with their clumsy stunt, and now the truth is fore’er lost. Leaving Melania in the picture was a particular stroke of genius, because…um…becaaaauuuuuuuuse LOOK, A SQUIRREL! (scampers away.)

Hey, if Shart Garfunkel can change the subject by talking about flags and statues, so can I.

Seriously, tracking Gameshow Goebbels’ words and actions, you’d never know there was a pandemic, or a massive nationwide movement against institutional racism and police violence, or an economic crisis featuring unemployment numbers unseen since the Great Depression; no, you could be forgiven for thinking there just isn’t much on America’s mind these days beyond a Capra-esque nostalgia for treasonous losers and the emblems that commemorate them.

Which would explain why the Adderall-Addled Assclown is spending his time attacking NASCAR from the right on the Confederate Flag. Now, I knew I’d write some weird shit when I started this blog, but that last sentence is melting my damn brain.

Anyhoo, the idea seems to be that voters will forget about the fact that they can’t go to a movie or a restaurant without risking their lives and instead percolate in rage that folks’re tearing down monuments to a defeated army that waged war on the United States. Now, this is the fruit of very same brain that installed Ben Carson at HUD, so we’re actually seeing a fairly consistent level of problem-solving prowess here.

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem certainly seems happy to sing from whatever hymnal her Turd Emperor drops in front of her, dutifully bellowing some tortured horseshit about how taking down these statues somehow “discredits” the nation’s “founding principles,” apparently in some Super Secret Extra-Discredit-y Way that’s even worse than (checks notes) treasonously taking up arms against the nation and its principles, and ultimately getting your ass absolutely fucking BEAT.


Still, let it not be said that Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot’s reality-challenged messaging isn’t trickling down to the freedumb-crazed mob; how else do you explain the doofus militia that showed up to an obviously phony flag-burning jamboree at Gettysburg, ready to do battle with the Still Fictitious Antifa Hordes That Never Show Up Because They Don’t Exist. Folks, if it ever does come to civil war, I feel like we’ll be able to take care of these guys with a couple of phony Facebook groups and one cartoonishly large sheet of flypaper.

Days after the Russian bounties scandal broke, the Velveeta Vulgarian is finally furious…that the public learned about it! Yes, the hunt is on for the patriots who leaked word of the President’s treachery to the American people, but of course we can’t interrupt the weekly golf vacations long enough to get a quick “Hey Vlad, stop paying terrorists to murder our troops” out of the doddering old buttpimple.

Well, the early snippets from Mary Trump’s book have arrived, and the new stories all seem very in-character for the narcissistic rage beast who has been vomiting poison into all our minds these last four years. Paid somebody to take his SATs for him? Yeah, that sounds about right. Honestly I’d be more surprised to learn he ever accomplished anything on his own. Think about it, what little shit he actually does for himself these days…tying his necktie, speaking English, drinking water…he’s not any good at anything, is he?

Georgia Senator/Pandemic Profiteer Kelly Loeffler, who co-owns the WNBA’s Atlanta Dream, (apparently as a sort of hobby, to help her unwind from all the insider trading and white-supremacy-preserving work she does at her day job) tried to talk the league into backtracking on their decision to allow players to wear warm-up jerseys with the phrase “Black Lives Matter,” because she’s got a tough primary coming up against mouth-breathing wingnut Doug Collins, and golly, won’t watching those two human skidmarks try to out-racist one another be a show? Barf.